A Sleepless Night
by abc79-de
Summary: LIT completed. 'He let himself believe she was looking for him for about a half a heartbeat, but pushed the thought away as he slipped back into his hiding place, lest she look far enough back to see his form in the shadows.'
1. A Sleepless Night

A SLEEPLESS NIGHT

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to Gilmore Girls, nor to the poem by Pablo Neruda that appears in the story. I also don't advocate smoking, kiddies.Her bleary eyes noted that the red numbers on her alarm clock seemed to scream out the time, 2:45am, as if mocking her. Her cold hand groped around to find the covers that had gone askew in the course of the night, sliding down her body, leaving her cool in the night air. Pulling them up tightly around her, she felt slightly warmer, but a feeling of restlessness was brewing in her stomach. She ran a hand over the other side of the bed, which remained cold and untouched.She had stirred twice before this evening, noting the time and the lack of the familiar touch of his body up against her in the bed. She rolled over onto her stomach, trying not to think of where he might be, or that he might not come back at all. She focused on getting warm, pulling her hands in and tucking them neatly under her torso to heat them. Not able to think of anything other than the fact he wasn't next to her, she started to feel worried. It had been four years since she had slept alone. She had never been alone in this bed, in fact. This wasn't just her bed, it never was just hers. It was the first thing they had bought together. She remembered going into the store, and looking around. Everything had seemed to cost so much, mainly because they had no money. They had pissed off the sales clerks, bouncing on the beds and testing out mattresses by laying on them, generally ignoring the clerks desperate for their commission. They had known they were going to buy the best mattress for what little money they had. This had been their first decision as a couple.She smiled, remembering the deliverymen coming and carrying the bed into the apartment, and him as he signed for the delivery and then proceeded to rip the tags off the mattresses. She had followed him around going on about how the mattress tag police were going to come looking for him. He retaliated by picking her up at the waist, and carrying her into the bedroom, which now looked like a proper bedroom, bed and all, and threw her down on the brand-new mattress. She giggled at the cliché thought of breaking in the new mattress, which is exactly what they proceeded to do._After they made love, she giggled, lying naked in his arms. He brushed some hair off her face with just a finger, and then traced the outline of her smile.  
  
"What?" he murmured, burying his face into her hair.  
  
"I was just thinking we need to put sheets on the bed—I was seriously having trouble gripping onto the bare mattress."  
  
He kissed the top of her head, "Next time just hang on to me."  
_She had taken his somber tone so seriously. Tears had sprung to her eyes, laying there, her flesh pressed up against his, wanting to hold onto him for all time.But this night, some four years later, he wasn't there to hold onto. It was just the cool fabric of the cotton sheets against her skin tonight. Giving up on being warm or falling back to sleep, she reached out and felt the switch to the lamp on her nightstand. Flipping it to the on position, she closed her eyes and counted silently to three before slowly opening them. She retrieved her favorite anthology of poetry from the nightstand and slipped on her reading glasses. It was now 3:00am, as the clock so belligerently pointed out. Brushing through the pages to find where she had left off earlier, she did her best to focus on the words. She recognized the poem immediately. She closed her eyes, hearing his rough voice whispering the words into her ear sweetly._But  
  
if each day,  
  
each hour,  
  
you feel that you are destined for me  
  
with implacable sweetness,  
  
if each day a flower  
  
climbs up to your lips to seek me,  
  
ah my love, ah my own,  
  
in me all that fire is repeated,  
  
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,  
  
my love feeds on your love, beloved,  
  
and as long as you live it will be in your arms  
  
without leaving mine.  
  
She loved to hear his sensual voice recite such beautiful words to her, just for her. It gave her chills to know he was only like this with her. This hard man, who faced the world with air of apathy mixed with superiority, was underneath it all the most sultry, sexy man that would recite poems to her as they lay in bed, pressed into each other, though it was too hot in the naked city to do so. But they didn't care, as long as they were as close as they could get to the other. He wasn't good at telling her how he felt using his own words, though she knew, through his recitation choices, the way he touched her, the way he would roll over in the middle of the night and pull her back against him as tightly as possible.  
_3:13am. She felt a breath of relief slide out of her as she heard the faint click of the door unlocking several times. She continued the pretense of reading, as his familiar frame came through the bedroom door. She breathed in his scent; she could tell he'd just been smoking. She never let herself pry, not with him. He would offer up the information on a need to know basis, other than that, it was all trust between the two. Ever since that night she had shown up on his doorstep four years ago._She knocked, getting nervous after a few moments of silence. He opened the door, surprised to say the least to see her standing before him, holding what looked like a picture frame. She thrust it out for him to see. He took it from her, his fingers brushing hers as he did so, and ran his hand over the top of the smooth glass. He read from it her name, followed by the seal of an Ivy League university, approving her for release into the real world. He looked up at her, searching her eyes for the meaning of her actions.  
  
"I couldn't leave with you then, I just couldn't. I thought it was the smart thing to do, but yesterday I got this, and all I could think of was that you weren't there to share it with. So, I came to share it with you."  
_From that moment on, it was the two of them, as it was supposed to be. They lived together, they worked and somehow managed to survive. As they both worked their way up the ladders at work they even managed to furnish their modest apartment and live more than comfortably.He sat on the edge of the bed, taking off his shoes. She put down her book and propped an elbow up so she could lean into it and study him, as he got undressed. He pulled the shirt off of his body, first taking the back of it up and over his head, then pulling his arms out of it. He tossed it over to the hamper and then stood to allow his pants to slide down his legs, bringing his ass into her direct view. She moved closer to him, running her fingers down his spine, starting between his shoulder blades and coming to rest at the waistband of his boxer shorts. He turned around to face her, and placed his hands on either side of her face. He wasn't really cupping her face or holding her in place, he just looked at her as if she might disappear from his view at any moment. She backed up to allow him to slide into the bed next to her."I was cold.""I'm sorry. I'll warm you, I promise.""Is it cold outside?""Freezing. I didn't mean to keep you up.""Just couldn't sleep. I guess I just got used to you being here next to me.""Come here," he gestured for her to curl up on his chest. It was her favorite position to lie in, her head on his chest, one leg haphazardly thrown one of his, nestling between his legs. She ran her ring finger, still gloriously uncovered, across his smooth chest."Rory," Jess started, his voice filled with regret and weariness."Shh, let's just go to sleep," she assured him."But you should know," he began again, stopping when she shook her head against the crook of his shoulder."You're here, that's all I care about now."Her tone was adamant and they were both exhausted. He had intended on coming straight home from work, but knowing what he had planned to do that evening was too much for his nerves. He'd roamed the block encircling their apartment building for hours, smoking probably at least the half pack of cigarettes he had in his jacket pocket, just building up the nerve to go home. He fingered the small velvety box with his left hand, securely hidden from the world as he puffed on his vice with his right. He had never thought he would think of anywhere as home, but they had definitely built something that he would call their home. Nothing in the apartment was just his or just hers, everything was theirs. They shared everything and he wouldn't have it any other way. She had even taken one of his cigarettes once, just to see what the appeal was for him._He came out onto the fire escape to see Rory sitting on the wicker loveseat they had bought for two dollars at a thrift store because it was easy to carry up the five floors to their apartment and it would actually fit out on their small fire escape landing. She had on boy shorts and a tank top, her hair pulled back from her face due to the heat of the New York summer, a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in the other. She was popping the switch of the lighter to no avail, and smiling he climbed out next to her and with a skilled hand, lit the green lighter for her. She attempted nonchalantly to do what she had seen him do hundreds if not thousands of times—to puff on the end, making the tip of the small white stick glow amber. Unfortunately she inhaled with too much vigor and pulled back from it as if it might bite her, coughing hard. He chuckled at her, as she passed him the now lit cigarette.  
  
"What's the verdict?"  
  
"You're crazy," she let out between coughs. He just smiled as he took another drag and released it slowly into the already thick air.  
  
She didn't climb back inside, rather she just watched as he enjoyed his cigarette, which he could taste the remnants of her last cup of coffee on. She loved to watch him smoke, he was so peaceful, he made it look like the old movie stars used to. Sophistication and class seemed to flow from him, and she couldn't help but watch him enraptured. She would add a protest about how those things would kill him some day, for good measure of course.  
  
"Baby, if I gotta go, I wanna go happy," he'd reply, giving her a smile.  
_He wanted to tell her so badly, that these were the moments that he fell more in love with her. Those things she did that cemented them together, that melted his heart and reshaped it into a shrine for her.But not tonight. Tonight, they slept, desperately clinging to one another. He would try again another day to make her see just how much he lived for her. Just how much he wanted to continue to share his life with her.AN: Well? Yes, I'm a true Lit at heart. Sigh. I have no idea where this came from. Anyways, I do live for reviews. IF you can't find it, it's down there in the bottom left corner. Yep, that's the pretty blue button (use it!). 


	2. Call Lorelai

Staring down at her left hand, she smiled as the stone caught the rays of sunlight coming in from the bedroom window. It sparkled and shimmered just for her. The ring was her most prized possession, for reasons that only she and Jess could ever understand. Admiring it was something that was meant to give her strength, though it made her forget her task at hand, if only for a moment.  
  
It's not that she had never thought of him asking her to marry him. It's just that she couldn't imagine him asking anyone to marry him. He was beyond institution, convention and needing people. But not above making her happy. He did it effortlessly, and no matter what else happened, she knew he loved her.  
  
_He reached under the pillow, pulling out a small velvety box. She watched him in wonder, as if she couldn't quite understand the ritual that was unfolding before her. As if it were a custom in some foreign land that she had read about but not before seen in person. She was brought back to her body as he touched her cheek softly. She locked her eyes with his, though she was dying to look down as he opened the box.  
  
"Marry me?" It was an honest question, as if he might not know the answer.  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. She nodded, letting him wipe the tears from her face with his other hand. She leaned in towards him and put her forehead to his.  
  
"Yes," she whispered before she pressed her lips into his. Every moment they share together seems more intimate and personal than the next, even when they are in public. They'd created their own little world, but when they were like this, just the two of them in their bed, truly nothing else existed. Everything in their life were means to the end of them being together every moment they could manage.  
  
He took the ring from the box, and took her hand in his as he slipped it on. She admired it for the first time, realizing yet again how well he knew her, and then leaned in to kiss him again as the world fell further away from them.  
_  
She tore her eyes from the ring and looked back at the phone. For days, she had been putting off this task. She put it on her 'to-do' list the morning after he proposed. She sat down and actually wrote down real world implications of his question. He had seen it; it wasn't like she had tried to hide it. She'd tacked it onto the refrigerator after all. He knew this one question would deepen the chasms between them and the lives they'd left behind. It was one of those things that remained unspoken between them. The things he knew that she obsessed over in her mind, and he let her deal with as she saw fit. So the short list that glared at the two of them for the past few days every time they went to make dinner or grab a soda wasn't surprising to him. He'd just be happier when she got it taken care of. She stared at the first item, scrawled in her script with a red Sharpie marker.  
  
1. Call Lorelai.  
  
She looked at it as she went to open the fridge to pull out a bottle of water. She had the cordless in her hand, and after letting the cool liquid roll around in her mouth for a moment she swallowed and dialed the still familiar number despite the infrequency with which it'd been used over the last few years. In her mind, her mother understood her need to be with Jess. She knew that leaving everything else behind was something she had to do, just like Lorelai had left Hartford. But she had no verbal proof of that.  
  
It didn't make dialing any easier, though. She got as far as the first three digits before hitting the Talk button quickly again.  
  
_Jess kissed her on the head, leaving her to scour the papers for entry- level publishing or journalism jobs. She was all prepared, her coffee brewed, Danish from the bakery down the block that she'd found two days prior on the coffee table next to the steaming mug. The classified ads in one hand with a yellow highlighter in her other hand signifying her readiness. She heard the door lock, circled one ad and picked up the phone. But instead of dialing the number in front of her, she dialed another one. One that had been invading her thoughts for the last week.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Rory!"  
  
"It's me. I just wanted to call you and tell you... I'm alright."  
  
"Where are you?" she asked in the form of a question, but she already knew. It was the only place she'd ever run to. To him.  
  
"New York. With... Jess."  
  
"Jess."  
  
"Yeah. We got an apartment. I'm looking for a job."  
  
"And you're staying?"  
  
"Yeah. I am."  
  
"You're good?"  
  
"I'm good. I know you don't like this, but I just, had to."  
  
"I know, honey. I know." The resignation and sadness were practically screaming through the even tone she emitted.  
  
"I would have called last week, but I just needed time, to settle."  
  
"Call more?"  
  
"I will."  
_  
But she hadn't. Not enough. That was the first time, and since then she could count the number of times she'd called her mom on one hand. She wondered if Jess ever called Luke or his parents. If he did, he never spoke about it. She knew him pretty well; the fact that he liked the broccoli better than the chicken in General Tso's chicken from the place by his work, the fact that he'd sooner leave the house without shoes than without gel in his hair, those things she knew. But sometimes, when they were reading on the couch with their legs tangled up as they sat facing each other under a blanket, she would look up and watch him. She wondered what he thought about in the deep places in his mind. Not the thoughts that got jotted down in the margins, those were things she'd stumble upon months later when she picked up the same book to read. Then she'd wonder if he worried about the things that she kept inside. Frowning, she'd decide not to think about it anymore and refocused her thoughts on the words that covered the pages of the book she'd forgotten about during her musings.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she ran her fingers lightly over the numbers. She took another drink of the cool water and pushed the Talk button again. She got all the numbers dialed and waited, not sure if she was hoping for a person or the machine.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Uh, Luke?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It's me, Rory," she said lamely.  
  
"Oh, hi, how are you?"  
  
"I'm good. We're both good," she added.  
  
"Well, good."  
  
"Um, is Mom there by chance?"  
  
"No, she's at the Inn. You can get her on the cell, though."  
  
"Oh, good. I'll try there."  
  
"Wait, we got a new plan, you'll need the number."  
  
She didn't know her own mother's phone number. Reality has a way of knocking the wind out of you. She felt like she'd just been thrown down a flight of stairs as she could only hear the echo of Luke's last words.  
  
"Rory? You there?"  
  
"Yeah, I am. What was the number again?"  
  
Luke repeated the number to her as she scribbled it down on the 'to-do' list on the fridge. She thanked him and they hung up, without any real discussion. Not that she and Luke had ever been wordy. They loved each other for being good to their family: Luke to Lorelai and Rory to Jess.  
  
Another deep breath. She decided that sitting down was probably smart, and took the list off of the fridge, carrying it into the front room with her. She sat on the couch, and dialed the number without thinking about it. It was the only way.  
  
"If it's important, then speak," came her mother's fast voice.  
  
"Mom? Is this a bad time?"  
  
"Rory? Uh, no, hang on a sec, though, okay?"  
  
"Sure," she said, bewildered.  
  
Rory heard some muffled voices, and her mother's working voice tone coming through to her ears. She smiled; remembering the afternoons of her youth spent watching her mother deal with customers, suppliers and charming the pants off anyone with her vicinity. Except Michel of course. The Frenchman was never impressed with one he'd ever met. Not outwardly anyhow. The fact that he'd cried when Sookie and Lorelai asked him to join them at the Dragonfly Inn was quickly dismissed as a bug flying into his eye. A bug from their dirty horse stables, nonetheless.  
  
"Rory?" her mother came back to the receiver.  
  
"Mom, how are you?"  
  
"Busy, but good."  
  
"Good. I just talked to Luke," she informed her.  
  
"Hence, the cell number. I would have called you, but I didn't know how to get a hold of you."  
  
"I know, but now you have it in your memory, right?"  
  
"Yeah, it should be in there. So, how's the paper?"  
  
"It's good. They keep giving me grunt work, but Jess thinks they're almost done testing me."  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think my boss is a sadist. It could go either way," Rory smiled.  
  
"I hope Michel talks about me like this," she giggled.  
  
"I'm sure he does."  
  
"So, no big promotion?"  
  
"No, that's not why I called." Leave it to her mother to cut to the point. "But I do have a reason."  
  
"You have my full attention."  
  
"Jess and I, he, he proposed," she stammered.  
  
"Oh, my," came the surprised response.  
  
"I know. And, I said yes."  
  
"You're getting married?" She could hear the tears forming in her mother's eyes.  
  
"Yeah. I am," Rory affirmed, tearing up a little herself.  
  
"Wow. My baby's getting married."  
  
"We don't have any plans or anything yet. I just, had to tell you."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I'll call you when we know more."  
  
"Come home?"  
  
"What?" the sudden request blurted out by her mother threw her for a loop.  
  
"Come home. Come see me."  
  
"Uh, well, sure. Yeah, I can do that," she said hesitantly.  
  
"Bring Jess. I promise, it'll be low key. Just two parties in the town square, and only one with a full on fireworks show," came the sarcasm from her mother.  
  
"Mom," she warned.  
  
"We'll eat. We'll talk. We'll celebrate."  
  
Rory thought as she held the phone to her ear, mentally beginning to figure out how to get Jess to agree to this.  
  
"I'll call you tomorrow and we'll work out details," she promised her mother before hanging up.  
  
She hadn't had to tell Jess anything negative in these past four years. Not that they hadn't fought, had periods of weirdness or thought about ending it all. But they got through it. They'd learned when to leave the other alone, when to drop certain topics and why leaving would just make them more miserable than the worst fight they could ever have. She racked her brain for the ways to tell him. She sat for an hour on the couch, tapping her pencil against the coffee table mindlessly, going through scenarios that would make him amicable to the situation. Meeting him at the door naked. Getting his favorite Thai food for dinner that she hated. Pawning her perfect ring to get him a first edition set of Hemingway's novels. Leather bound. That might do it.  
  
Glancing down at her engagement ring, she frowned deciding that wasn't the way to go. The ring was perfect, an emerald cut sapphire and diamond ring. It was started all this, the list, the calling, the impending trip home. She got an idea, executed it and awaited his return from work.  
  
He came into the apartment, heading straight into the kitchen to put his keys away. Rory, used to never being able to find keys during her youth, decided they needed a key bowl, in a place they wouldn't lose it. Right next to the coffee maker. He noticed the list still on the fridge, but there was an addendum. Under a fiercely scribbled phone number, in bright blue marker there was another numbered item.   
  
5. Go to Stars Hollow with Jess.  
  
"Rory?"  
  
AN: It took me a while to get inspired on how to go with this. I don't want to make it about Rory and Jess getting married, but it got a second chapter out of me. I might skip around in time a lot. We'll see. I don't want a conventional story, so it might take me time between chapters, just to let you know. 


	3. An Unwelcome Guest

There had been so many reasons to do it. Having a car in New York was impractical; she rode the subway to work and everything else she could possibly want was within walking distance from their apartment. The fact that it screamed that she had her mind set on staying with him was just a bonus in her eyes. She put out an ad, for free due to her new job as a lowly New York Times intern (a fancy term for coffee and bagel girl). Within two hours of the morning paper hitting people's doorsteps, she got ten calls. The next day, she watched a stranger climb into the all leather interior of the car her grandparents had bought her upon her high school commencement. She held the tears in after they handed the cash over and drove away, disappearing into the streets of New York.  
  
In the last few years, she'd never regretted it. The cash had furnished their apartment modestly, and they even got to save a little money. He had dutifully tried to talk her out of selling the car, but it would have broken their rule. The car wasn't about them. So, it went. She said just that definitively to him without batting an eyelash.  
  
_"Fair enough," he said, still allowing her to change her mind at any moment, ready to take on the wailing and hitting for making her lose everything to live here with him.  
  
But she didn't. She smiled and threw her arms around him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her into the bedroom as she talked about what kind of couch she wanted to buy with the money. Until his lips hit hers and her back met the mattress.  
_  
But needing to drive to Connecticut was now presenting to be a problem. No car and a hell of a cab fare. Buses were too messy for them; it brought back memories that Jess would assume remain buried in her mind. Long last looks and lies flew to his mind anytime he heard the very word uttered. Guilt and shame followed. He said nothing. She knew exactly what he wasn't saying, also never suggesting it.  
  
"Call Luke. Tell him to bring Mom here."  
  
Jess looked up at her, as she pushed some chicken around on her plate at dinner two nights after she talked to her mom. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she looked up at him.  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"Rory, we can go up there. I'll just borrow a car."  
  
Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. Jess' definition of borrow was loose at best.  
  
"What?"  
  
Rory sighed. "Just, call Luke."  
  
"I talked to him yesterday. He's all excited, and your mom is ... let's just go, alright?"  
  
"But what if--," she cut off, not wanting to finish the thought that was in her head already. She cursed the fear and doubt invading her head, and worse, he could feel it in the room with them, like an unwelcome guest.  
  
"Rory, we're going. It's going to be fine."  
  
"You talked to Luke yesterday?"  
  
Jess nodded silently chewing his food. He called Luke every few months, something that he never discussed with Rory. He and Luke had ended their Stars Hollow days on a good note, and Jess liked that he had family he could count on. The fact that he lived at Lorelai's house made it trickier now, so he had to catch him at the diner. Talking about Stars Hollow was too taboo for him to bring up to her. He felt like what he was, a hypocrite. Unwilling to stay there with her, unable to avoid it all together himself.  
  
"I'm only going to say this once, okay?" she let out a timid breath. "What if we only work here?" tears had already formed in her eyes by the time she got the last word out. Jess looked up at her, not in surprise, but concern was evident in his eyes. He stood up, pushing his chair way back from the kitchen table. He was pulling her up from her chair not a moment later, and had encased her face in his hands before a tear could break the barrier of her eyelashes.  
  
"I'll say this as many times as it takes to put your mind at ease for life. We work anywhere. Put in any situation, it is only you that I need. It may have taken us the last four years to cement it, but I knew it the first time I saw you. I hate the idea of marriage in and of itself, but I feel like I'm drowning when I think of not being with you for the rest of my life. Got it?" he whispered into her ear, holding her head gently against his own. He could feel the warm tears against his cheek as they traveled down hers. He tasted the salt as it seeped into the corner of his lips.  
  
She nodded slowly as he turned his head and caught her lips on his own. He was harsh, roughly drawing his lips against hers, gripping her arms and pulling her closer until he couldn't distinguish where he ended and she began. Their food forgotten, he navigated them to the couch, the leather making that delicious sound that it makes as soft fabric scrapes across it. The sensation of her underneath him made him crazy, it always had. It flooded his brain with pleasure, and with memories of the two of them. The first time she kissed him. The first time he kissed her. The sound his heart made in his chest as it dissolved when she told him no at Yale. The feeling of rebirth when her lips crashed into his, at his old apartment following her graduation. Her voice, soft and hypnotic as she moves her body in tandem with his, urging him on. It all swirls in his head, making him dizzy.  
  
"I got it," came her response, between shallow breaths.  
  
He kissed her again, gently now, and wrapped his arms around her tighter. They fell asleep, in the other's arms, the only place either of them found any peace.  
  
From work the next day, she called her mother, the first exchange without anxiety in years for her.  
  
"Mom? We'll be there Friday."  
  
The next few days went by without mention to the impending trip or doubts of any kind. She had no doubts about marrying him. Her fears were rooted in the opinions of the people that had once mattered more to her than anything. Her mom. Her grandparents. Her dad. Lane. That damn list wasn't getting any smaller, and the more she thought about it, eloping didn't sound so bad. Her mother never really talked about wanting to throw her a large wedding, but Stars Hollow was the big party capital of the world. Her mother had planned so many weddings she could probably throw together a reception for five hundred in five minutes. Thoughts like this ate up more and more of her attention as Friday neared. By that afternoon, as she was packing while she waited for Jess to get home, she was nearly paralyzed with trepidation.  
  
"Rory?" came the voice that made chills run up and down her spine each and every time she heard it from the hall.  
  
"I'm in the bedroom," she called back, thankful for him breaking her out of her daze.  
  
"Packed?" he asked, looking at her most full suitcase.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. That's when the pacing started. Back and forth, at the foot of their bed as she sat on the edge, watching him like he was a close tennis match.  
  
"Alright. I've been thinking about this. As far as I can figure it, we just need to relax, stay in close proximity to the other all weekend and if it gets bad, we leave."  
  
She nodded and held out her hand to signal him to sit next to her.  
  
"Can't sit. Need to smoke," he informed her reaching for his pack of cigarettes that hadn't left his person in four days.  
  
"Jess, please?"  
  
He sat. Her fingers interlaced with his and she looked into his frazzled brown eyes.  
  
"It's just my mom and Luke. And if I know anything now, I know that you and I are supposed to be together. End of story. I can't listen to anyone that says otherwise, and neither can you. Right?"  
  
He let the breath he'd been holding out and nodded. He kissed her cheek and stood immediately.  
  
"Going to pack?"  
  
"Right after that cigarette," he informed her, leaving her to shake her head as she finished putting some books in her suitcase.  
  
Smelling of tobacco and sedated with just enough nicotine in his blood, he sat behind the wheel of a car he borrowed from his boss. Rory was impressed with the car, but when you run a successful publishing house, you can afford a car like this. Impractical though it might be in New York City. Leather seats with heaters imbedded in the cushions, automatic climate control, six-disc CD changer, not to mention it was a Jaguar, well, Rory was more than impressed. Especially that his boss had lent it to Jess. She thought about the first cars she had ever ridden in with Jess. They were the most unsafe rattletraps ever to see pavement. To say this was a step up was saying that being fluent in three languages was a step up from saying your first word.  
  
She fingered through the CD's in their collections, and put six in the changer, careful to not to scratch the ones she took out of the player. They'd be losing the good radio stations before long, and there was no way that Jess would stay sane listening to Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits and Yanni. She made a face as she pulled out the last and most offensive to her taste, John Tesh. Jess watched her, moving swiftly and ever so carefully, as though she were working with dangerous chemicals. She was the most graceful person, and she had no idea. She was so concentrated on every little task at hand, and oblivious to everything else when she had her thoughts focused on something. This usually fell in his favor, the very thought of which caused a smile to spread across his face.  
  
Now finished choosing music, she pressed play and Muse came blaring out on the sound system. She noticed his smile and his gaze fixed on her, and she smiled shyly.  
  
"What?" she laughed.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking." He revealed nothing, but satisfied her for the moment. She let herself fall into the song, the beat causing her to rock to the beat as she remained belted into her seat. They both unconsciously began mouthing the words, only to stop when they both tried to steal a glance at the other. Knowing smiles spread across their faces.  
  
The song changed, and instantly took them both back in time. Jess leaned over to her, as they sat at a stoplight, still waiting to get out of the city with the rest of the commuters on a Friday evening.  
  
"All I can think of right now is you and me on our first date," he stated, as she felt the blush creep up from her neck, painting her cheeks pink.  
  
_Their first date. She could still hear her mother's voice griping about the fact that his wheels might flee from the body of the car as they neared the speed limit on the highway, and made sure she had her cell phone on her so they could call Luke to come get them. She had fully warned her and therefore wasn't liable for any stranding situation they got themselves into. The words had rolled right off of Rory, barely registering as her nerves got the better of her. She pulled her shirt down a little to smooth it out, brushing her lips together to check to see how much lip gloss she still had on before bidding her mother a goodnight.  
  
She had a date with Jess. Jess. She could hold his hand during the date and kiss him goodnight afterwards. Kissing Jess. It was still new, and it was like someone lit a match in an unexplored cave. She walked outside to see him standing up against the car, as if it were holding him up. She smiled at the thought that at least it could withhold pressure, even if it were just his body weight.  
  
They ended up a bookstore in Hartford, getting coffee and sorting through title after title, talking about the merits of the ones they had read, debating over others. He admitted he wanted to take her to a bookstore in New York, but had thought Lorelai might have him arrested for kidnapping if he tried it. She'd laughed, agreeing with his choice of locale and they at long last decided to leave the bookstore before they were charged rent.  
  
Neither had wanted the evening to end. The nervousness had worn off fast, though the exhilaration of just being together just seemed to increase. They didn't say much when they got into the car. He drove for a few minutes when she realized she was talking.  
  
"Can we not go right home?"  
  
That got his attention quickly, a bit surprised at her brazen question. He attempted to remain calm and rational, not letting his desire to pull the car right over and get her into the backseat right this second.  
  
"You hungry?"  
  
"No."  
  
Swallow. Hard. Think. Breathe. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"Um, I'm not sure. Is there somewhere we can be alone?"  
  
"Y-yeah. Sure." Oh. Dear. God. He felt the blood rush down from his head, and turned the car off the main road when they got to the exit before Stars Hollow. He'd come across a quiet spot on the way home one night after getting off work early a few weeks ago. There was the main water tower for the county one town away. He pulled off the road into the grassy area under the water tower and turned off the ignition. He turned to her slowly and she gave him a hesitant smile.  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Come here," he breathed, moving towards her as she scooted over towards him. He interlaced his fingers in her long silky hair and massaged her lips with his, stroking them vigorously. Each time they were alone, something had managed to interrupt their chance to kiss for more than five seconds. Here they were, finally in charge of what happened. He let out a sound of appreciation as she moved her hand down his chest and slipped it under his shirt. He pulled back just so he could utter a few words.  
  
"Backseat, more comfortable," he managed before her lips were back on his. She moved her attentions to his neck, making shifting around a bit painful, as blood was displaced in his body. They slid back into the rear of the car, him moving the stuff that had collected in the seat onto the floor. This was the first time she felt powerful and in control of her sexual needs. It didn't matter that they weren't going to have sex, but to have the ability and the freedom, she pulled him tighter against her, molding her body to his as they continued to enjoy themselves. They carried on in that backseat until he had just enough time and willpower to drop her off at home at a decent hour so they could ensure many, many more similar encounters. Which they had_.  
  
Her blush was a full on crimson as she allowed her mind to go back to the memory Jess too was reliving.  
  
"You know, you should probably not walk into my mother's house looking like that," she managed.  
  
"Like what?" he asked, seemingly innocent.  
  
"With your pants so, snug," she giggled.  
  
"Wanna stop by the old water tower?" he whispered in her ear, causing yet more shivers down her spine. Damn him for getting her like this.  
  
"Home, Jeeves, home," she commanded.  
  
He nodded, turned up the stereo and they continued on their way to Stars Hollow.  
  
AN: Thank you for the kind words on this story so far. You reviews really turned around a sucky, sucky day for me. Hope you enjoyed this installment, as I get to work on the next one. . . 


	4. Sofa City and a Vacancy at the Inn

Every major life change occurred to him in this town. This damn town, with its neighbors that know everything about your life down to when you last blinked. Grass that is a uniform two inches in every lawn, except at the former Gilmore household. Happy children who enjoy school going home to their loving married parents and their 1.4 siblings. 

And the thought that he was tied to this place for the rest of his life, since before he was even born and probably after he died made him sick to his stomach. The kind of feeling where you ate too many cookies as you unconsciously pop them into your mouth while watching a movie on your couch at home.

These are the thoughts that go slowly through his mind as he is pulled off the side of the road, two streets from the Gilmore-Danes residence. He tried to negate all thoughts, neutralize his brain from any thoughts, good or bad. He needed to escape his body and the feeling of dread that had crept in since they hit the city limits. Sitting in the car, eyes glazed over, he remained still. At long last, he blinked when she cleared her throat. Loudly.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"The car isn't moving."

"I know. I had to ... I just needed a second."

She nodded. She needed one too. She and her mother hadn't seen one another in four years. Their conversations in that time had on the surface been mostly light and normal, but they weren't real. Going into that house was real. She lapsed into his silence, glad that he was as terrified as she was.

He turned the engine over, and it went slowly and stopped, causing him to have to give it a surge of gas to get it to kick into gear. He pulled back onto the street and drove the exact speed limit, fifteen miles an hour to not draw any undue attention their way. Each and every time he'd driven into this town going a normal rate of speed, people had called the telephone chain before he got out of the car. Rory didn't need that. They didn't need that.

Lorelai was sitting out on the porch with a mug of coffee, wrapped in a shawl to keep warm in the winter air. She looked the same; her hair a little shorter than Rory remembered it. Soft streaks of gray were interlaced throughout her trademark brown locks. Her blue eyes just stood out all the more and she wore her age very gracefully.

She smiled tightly as she saw the expensive car pull into the driveway. Immediately all the bad feelings from four years ago resurfaced. She promised herself that she was going to be supportive and make this easy for them, but secretly in a dark place she held in, she hoped they were struggling. That they lived in a tiny studio apartment, barely making rent and hating their jobs. These things would take their toll eventually and Rory, her beautiful, smart daughter would come to her senses and come home.

She held onto that belief until the Jag pulled into the driveway. She saw them happy, enjoying the bustling busy life of New York and going to hip restaurants to celebrate job promotions and walking hand in hand home to their loft.

Nausea waved over her and her smile got tighter.

She stood as Rory emerged from the car, not running to greet her like she used to, but walking with trepidation towards her mother, looking her over to note any changes the last few years had brought. Rory's hair was long, wilder in a way, she wore very little make up just like always, and she looked vibrant. Full of life.

Damnit. He made her this happy.

Her smile softened at the thought, and she felt moistness gathering her eyes.

Damn. Damn.

Jess was right behind her, hanging back for a moment to let the two girls get reacquainted. Rory reached back, and he saw the light hit her ring before he wrapped her hand in his and stepped up to her side.

"Hey," came her soft voice.

"How was your trip?"

"Oh, good. Uneventful."

"Good, that's good. Well, it's freezing in here, why don't you two, come on in," she said, moving towards the door herself.

They settled into the couch, side by side, not allowing for room between them as Lorelai sat down the coffee pot and two extra mugs on the coffee table. She sat in the chair across from them. She looked at Jess, noticing he looked more comfortable in his own skin. Though at the current moment he looked like he might burst into flames.

"So, you're engaged," Lorelai pasted the smile onto her face, trying to sound interested ad upbeat. She was interested; she got facts but few details. She couldn't decide if she had wanted to hear them the last few years, but now she thought yes.

"Yeah, we're, engaged," came Rory's nervous excitement.

"So, any plans yet?"

Jess cleared his throat and spoke up. "No, not yet. It's still really new, so, we're just enjoying the moment."

"Well, that's nice. I know that's how I felt, when Luke, you know," she looked down at her coffee cup.

"Speaking of Luke, when will he be home?"

"Oh, any minute. He stays 'til close on Fridays, but he said he'd be home early. He's so proud of you two," she explained before taking a pause. "So am I," she added.

"Thanks. So, where do we sleep?"

"Oh. Well, about that. I had a couple of options for you. There's always your old room. But that would mean sofa city for one of you," she trailed off.

"Or, there's always the Inn. I'm sure we have at least one vacancy tonight."

Rory looked at Jess for a half a second, knowing his thoughts on Lorelai's mention of them sleeping apart. His grip got noticeably tighter and she stroked his hand with her thumb lightly to soothe him.

"Well, the Inn would be nice. Jess hasn't had the opportunity to see it yet," she added.

"Well, that's not my doing," Lorelai retorted under her breath.

"You know, it's late. Maybe we should just head over there and see Luke tomorrow," Rory spoke up, trying to ignore her mother's remarks.

"Uh, sure. The night manager will check you in. Were you planning on seeing Emily while you're up here?"

Rory winced. "Uh, it's on my list of things to take care of."

Lorelai nodded, but said nothing.

"We'll see you in the morning."

"Meet us at the diner around noon."

They nodded, standing up to head back to the car. Hands entwined until they reached the car, Jess walked around to open her door for her. She smiled playfully and slid into the seat.

Once into their room, they looked around at this foreign bed. The first night they'd ever spent the night in a different bed. But at least they were together.

"The inn, it's beautiful."

"Yeah, it's Mom's baby. She was insane the year they did the renovations. I was at Yale for the first time, so I didn't get caught up in much of it."

"Right." 'And I was in California.'

"So, bed?"

"Yeah."

They silently got ready for bed, Rory putting her belongings in the dresser drawers and bathroom. Jess threw his bag in the chair by the window, stripped off his clothes and slid under the sheets to wait for her with his book. He flipped through the pages, looking for the page he'd last left off on. His thoughts filled with other thoughts, finding his eyes unable to focus on the lines of text.

_The two-bedroom apartment was fairly clean, thank God. His roommate had gone for the weekend to stay with his girlfriend and Jess had picked up a weeks worth of trash and dishes when he returned home from work. The fact that he'd been cleaning up after people his whole life was just something he'd learned to do living with his mother. She came into his space unannounced but breezed through as if she did it all the time. She was sitting there, on the couch they got when the old lady down the hall passed away, looking up at him with clear blue eyes. _

Those eyes. It was the first thing he'd noticed about her and they were his downfall. Better than any cigarette he could ever smoke. They held hope, fear and if he wasn't mistaken, lust. He was rusty when it came to her, but that look was something he dreamt of nightly. The look in her eyes, slightly scared, slightly brazen, that meant one thing. She wanted him and him alone.

He wondered momentarily if she was still a virgin. It hadn't mattered to him then, and it didn't really matter now. It just struck him that he knew very little about her world now. Back then it had fit so nicely into perfect pigeonholes. Now she was here with him. Looking at him like she wanted to ravage his body.

Then all thought left him. He couldn't have told you his address, phone number, the current year. All he could remember was her name.

"Rory," he moaned as she pulled him down and moved slowly over him. She kissed him until he saw red, moving against her roughly and sweetly at the same time. Years of repression bubbled up through him and into his actions, though he still held himself to the same standard of reacting to her lead. But her lead was strong, undaunting and for the first time she seemed fearless. Unrelenting.

"Is there somewhere I can freshen up?" she asked suddenly, pulling herself out of his grasp.

"Uh, yeah. Bathroom, you can use mine. It's probably... safer," he managed, leading her down to his room.

She was in there for a few minutes. It seemed like an eternity. 'Was she changing her mind?' 'What the hell is going on?' thoughts of doubt and uncertainty filled his head. 'Maybe they should slow down and talk about this like the adults that they were.'

Then she appeared in the doorway between the bathroom and bedroom. Bathed in moonlight from the window next to her, the look was back in her eyes. She had her sights set on what she wanted. He swallowed hard as he ran is eyes over every last inch of her. She blushed slightly, and gave him a smile that could melt glaciers. She moved slowly to the bed, allowing him to savor every last movement.

Then they worked it out like the adults that they were.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her in the doorframe of the bathroom. His hand moved out to turn out the light, leaving the moon to illuminate the room.

"Déjà vu," he whispered, causing her to smile.

"You're beautiful," he said softly as she reached the bed, moving over her as an animal that was stalking his prey. She willingly gave herself over to him and they put all the fears, doubts and outside criticism spill out of them and worked out all their frustration and love as they strived to fuse their bond even further together.

_"So, can I stay?" she asked, her voice ragged and the sheer exhaustion showing through. _

"Not here," he said, kissing her temples.

Panic swept over her. He didn't want her. She wasn't sorry she'd made love to him, but the idea of going home now, without him... suddenly direction was stolen from her world.

"Oh, I understand," she managed meekly.

"We'll look for our own place tomorrow," he assured her.

"Our life begins tomorrow," she said, tears long held in escaped from her eyes.

"Our life begins tomorrow," she whispered, kissing his Adam's apple lightly after they made love.

"Marry me."

"I am," she giggled.

"Tomorrow."


	5. Love Burns

"You're crazy."  
  
"Probably," he admitted.  
  
"Why would you even say that?"  
  
"Because this is stressing us out. Being here. Planning it might kill you and me. But if we just do it, call everyone tomorrow, whoever can make it, fine. We go to the courthouse in Hartford, boom, it's over."  
  
"Boom?"  
  
"Boom."  
  
"Jess," she sighed.  
  
"Don't say no."  
  
His eyes were pleading with her, and a sense of familiarity waved over her. She needed to think, she needed to clear her mind and do the right thing. The right thing for them.  
  
"I, I just need a second, okay?"  
  
He nodded, knowing not to push her. She didn't do well under pressure and they tended to fall apart the most when he kept at her. His spontaneity was something she loved about him, but sometimes his passion put her in positions that overwhelmed her.  
  
_She sat there, on boxes filled with notebooks and school supplies, tears streaming down her face. She was unsure if she expected him to come back in or perhaps she would just disappear if she became motionless enough. Wiping the tears away seemed impractical, just when she thought she must be out of fluids, more came in even greater flooding amounts. A shaking hand went up to her brow, her ring finger rubbing over the well-groomed hair there nervously. She needed to get up, to talk to someone. Someone rational. She feared if she got up and faced the dark empty suite, she would see herself in five years, in a dark and lonely place. How can she let this happen?  
  
She stood, fleeing the suite as soon as she could. Out the door, down the hallway to the double doors. She didn't bother locking her door, she was the only one there and she didn't have time. Praying that he would still be out there, waiting, she ran as fast as her feet could take her. She stopped on the curb, looking around. She saw his car, just two blocks away. The motor was clearly on as the sound reverberated back as far as her. The stereo too, blasting lyrics to a familiar song that tore her heart into smaller pieces.  
  
'Never thought I'd see her go away  
She learned I loved her today  
Never thought I'd see her cry  
And I learned how to love her today  
Never thought I'd rather die  
Then try to keep her by my side'  
  
She shook visibly, trying to figure out if she could run and get to his car before he moved it again. She wondered why he'd only gone two blocks before stopping. If he was entertaining thoughts on turning around. The song continued and she saw his form from behind, as tried to move her feet but felt like someone had glued her to the cement.  
  
'Nothing else can hurt us now  
No loss, our love's been hung on a cross  
Nothing seems to make a sound  
And now it's all so clear somehow  
Nothing really matters now  
Now we're gone and on our way, __Now she's gone love burns inside me' _

_The car was shifted into gear and slowly the music faded from her ears. Tears that had slowed while watching him began to flow freely as the last bit of hope drained away with his disappearing taillights. All because of one word. One word she uttered out of fear. One word that she didn't want to say. One word because she couldn't imagine telling everyone else in her life the other answer. She walked slowly back into her dark suite, leaning against the wall, sliding down it with her arms wrapped tightly around herself as tears continued to fall.  
_  
She couldn't do that again. If there was one lesson she'd learned in this life, it was what it was like to be without this man. This man, waiting patiently as she tried to think about what was best for her. For them. What decision would lead to them going back home together?  
  
"Yes. Let's do it."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Seriously."  
  
He brushed his hand over her arm, trailing it down to the tips of her fingers before intertwining his fingers with hers. She leaned back into him, from her upright position until her body molded fully against him. She felt his lips on her hair, the warmth spreading from the top of her head, through her body until it reached the tips of her toes. She wanted him to take away all her doubt.  
  
He wrapped both arms around her, holding her as she fell asleep. He could feel her thoughts slowing down, as her fears about how to tell everyone oozed out of her pores and out of her system. He knew life was full of people who weren't going to approve of every decision you make. All you can do is do what feels right—and they both knew getting married as soon as they could was right. It'd been long enough; in all honesty he let it go on too long without making this permanent. The thought of her leaving had scared him so much he hadn't been willing to give voice to it. The idea of her thinking about it in order to make a decision terrified him. The idea of her entertaining leaving him terrified him.  
  
That was when he knew. He had to ask her. Two months later, he did.  
  
The next morning, she woke up secured in his arms. He had slept sitting up, allowing her to rest comfortably on his chest. She slipped out of his grasp, and walked over to her bag. She pulled out the to do list and knew it was time. The people she had to call about her engagement had to be called today. Lorelai included. She knew her mother wouldn't help her with this task; she'd be lucky if Luke could drag her to the ceremony.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
She looked up at him; he winced as he tried to move his head. She took the phone and paper, crawling back into bed next to him. Seated on her knees before him, she gave him a brave smile.  
  
"Calling wedding guests."  
  
"Huh."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, I was wondering if that was a dream or not."  
  
"Having second thoughts?"  
  
"No, I think we need to. I think...it's just that I should have, before now," he started to explain, shaking his head gingerly.  
  
"Shh," she pressed her lips to his to quiet him. "I have some phone calls to make."  
  
He nodded, and waited silently to act as silent moral support. It wasn't the first time they'd done this. Two years prior, they sat just like this, in bed at home, her on the phone and him waiting with baited breath, at the ready when she needed him.  
  
_She was clad in a camisole and matching gray boy shorts. It was her veritable uniform during the summer when they were home. She had the same outfit in every color known to man. It showed off all the right curves, and secretly it drove him crazier than any silky lingerie she could ever put on. It was comfortable and allowed her to move, which was much more her than some overly fancy piece of scratchy lace. She had dialed the phone number slowly; he knew she didn't want to make the call. She gave her name, and was instantly put on hold, her face scrunching up as the awful Musak played on the line. He rubbed slow circles on her back, unsure exactly what to say or do to make this bearable for her. The entire last week had been filled with tension, apprehension and uncertainty running rampant through their apartment. _

_"Yes, I'm here," she bit her lower lip, listening intently to the voice on the other end. _

_He stopped moving, he felt as if the whole world had taken a breather from rotating. He watched her as if she might break in front of his eyes. _

_"I see. Thank you." _

_She pushed the talk button and lay the phone down gingerly next to them on the quilt she fell in love with when they went to a street art fair the year prior. She loved quilts, mainly because of her mother. They reminded her of home, and she had said that a quilt makes a place homier as they purchased it from the vendor. _

_"It must have been stress," her voice cracked, the tears coming on stronger than she had expected. She fell into his waiting arms, and cried so hard that she shook both him and her. He couldn't hold her tightly enough. _

_"I didn't even think I wanted it. I don't know why I'm crying," she sniffed as she pulled back from him a little, trying to wipe away the remainder of the tears. _

_"I know," he reassured her. "I know."  
_  
"Mom? Good morning. I didn't mean to wake you. ... No, actually we wanted to know what you were up to today. ... No, actually this evening. ... We're getting married."  
  
She winced, and held the phone away from her ear for a second. Jess actually jumped back a little at the reaction.  
  
"Mom, calm down. ... No, I haven't lost my mind. ... We just think it's silly to have a long engagement. ... Is Luke there? ... No, Mom, I think you have every right to be surprised by this. ... Tonight in Hartford. ... Courthouse. ... We can talk about that later. ... No, we'll still meet you for lunch. ... I promise."  
  
She hung up and looked to Jess, who looked like he might rather do this alone.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"She wanted to know if I was crazy, then she went on about how and when and where. Then she wanted to know if we were going to have some sort of formal reception at some point. Then she told me not to get married before I saw her next."  
  
Jess sighed. "But she didn't say she wouldn't come?"  
  
"No. We're still meeting her for lunch, and I think maybe you should talk to Luke first, he can help calm her."  
  
"Who's next?"  
  
"My Dad."  
  
"Then?"  
  
"Grandparents, Lane. Do you need to tell anyone?"  
  
"Nope. Dad can't fly out on this short of notice, not that he would anyway. I'll just call him later. Mom—who knows where she is. I just, don't need that, you know?"  
  
"She loves you, Jess."  
  
"Rory, I don't want to call her. She's probably traveling anyway."  
  
"It's winter."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, those fairs are summer circuits."  
  
"You pay way too much attention when other people talk."  
  
"It's my job," she smiled.  
  
"Fine. I'll call her. She won't come, though."  
  
A few hours later, Jess and Rory walked to Luke's. It was freezing, but it was a clear sunny day, no trace of clouds and no chance of snow. Lorelai would say it's an omen. Rory put the thoughts out of her head and took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill her lungs before they walked into Luke's. Lorelai was nowhere to be seen, but Luke came up to them and motioned for the couple to follow him. He headed up to the apartment, not bothering to see if they were following him. Jess looked around the old apartment, now a proper office space again, also doubling as storage space for what Lorelai had called his 'icky bachelor belongings' that hadn't made the trip to the house when he moved in. He was actually glad to see the apartment looking different.  
  
"Okay, look, I talked to Lorelai. She's not thrilled, but she wants to be there, I know she does. She won't miss this. Just, remember that this hasn't been the easiest time for her. Rory, I don't want you to feel badly, but when you left, she just ... it was really hard for her."  
  
"I know," she managed, surprised to see Luke taking such an active role. She should have known, he would do anything for her mother. "I never meant to hurt her, I just, this is the way things had to be," she tried to explain.  
  
His facial features softened as he looked at the two. "I know. Just, tread lightly and tonight we'll all be celebrating. It might be a good idea, for the two of you to talk to her. Separately. You," he pointed at Rory, "tell her everything that's gone on in the past few years. Leave no detail unturned. And you," he pointed to Jess, "do this right."  
  
"You can't be serious," he protested, understanding Luke's meaning.  
  
"To quote a young slacker I once knew, 'As a heart attack.' Chris is coming?" he asked Rory.  
  
She nodded in response.  
  
"Then you sit your ass down and talk to both of them. Intentions, permission, the whole deal. I'm serious."  
  
"What, no dowry?" Jess asked, mocking his uncle.  
  
"I won't have another four years like the last four. Got me?" his tone lowered and he all but growled at Jess. Rory was a little taken back. "This is just how things are handled."  
  
Jess nodded, putting his arm around Rory's waist.  
  
"Good. Now get downstairs, she'll be here any second. We never had this conversation."  
  
AN: thanks for all the support of this story. You reviewers rock! You also spur me on to work on the story more, hint, hint. wink


	6. Superpowers of Scary Fathers

AN: Thanks to everyone reviewing and letting me know what you think of the story. It's my favorite to write; I find it challenging to keep up the quality. Hopefully I'm doing that. I might slow down the pace, as I've signed on to help out a Trory exchange fic. I'm a die-hard Lit, but I dabble in Trory's too, for those of you who swing both ways like I do. . . On with the story.  
  
Jess reached his hand out and put it on Rory's denim covered leg. When she continued talking calmly to her mother, he moved it higher. A slight blush colored her cheeks, but she allowed him freedom of his limb movements. It wasn't until he got as high as he could possibly go and began to slip down into her lap that she had to bite back a squeak and grab his hand, forcing it down to her side to rest between them, holding tightly.  
  
"So, Mom, you're sure tonight works for you guys?" she asked, ignoring his proud smirk.  
  
Lorelai hadn't seen the hand action, but did know he was up to something due to the pleased look on his face. Turning her attention back to her daughter, she nodded. "I wouldn't miss it. It's your wedding day."  
  
"Thanks, Mom. It means everything to us that you guys are there."  
  
"Yeah, well," she checked her watch, "It means everything to me, too," she spoke genuinely as she refocused her attention back to Rory. Her daughter looked so happy, and no matter how much she wanted to dismiss this, she couldn't.  
  
"Is Dad coming soon?"  
  
"Yeah. I told him to meet us here."  
  
"He isn't bringing that uptight--," Jess started.  
  
"Sherry isn't coming, no," Lorelai smiled. It was the first time all visit that he'd made her smile genuinely. "Actually, he sounded weird about it."  
  
Luke came out, to check to see if there was any bloodshed, and filled the girls' coffee cups, partially to keep the bloodshed down. He looked up as he saw a familiar man; one that he hated having in his diner or anywhere near this town, as he opened the door and looked around.  
  
"Chris," Luke nodded before pointed at the table the others were at.  
  
"Hey, Luke. Uh, thanks."  
  
"Dad!" Rory exclaimed, waving him over. He leaned over to kiss her cheek, then Lorelai's. He nodded to Jess, his expression stilling.  
  
"So, Dad, how's work?"  
  
"Same," he said, giving a half smile.  
  
"That's Christopher for 'boring'," Lorelai explained. Jess smiled, noting how Lorelai and Chris played off of one another. They couldn't help it; it was ingrained in their personalities. They were truly a part of each other. It reminded him of him and Rory. He snuck a look at Luke, knowing he must be hating this.  
  
"Ah, so my boring life is amusing to you," Chris teased Jess.  
  
"Hey, you want exciting, move to New York. Always something to do," he offered.  
  
"I might be getting a little to old and crotchety for the big city life."  
  
"So, Boston's what, a small hamlet now?" Lorelai snorted.  
  
"Ever heard of moving?" he turned towards her.  
  
"You're getting Sherry out of Boston?"  
  
"No, Sherry is staying in Boston."  
  
Rory and Jess exchanged a look, as Lorelai's mouth formed an 'O'.  
  
"I'm sorry, Chris."  
  
Jess became increasingly fidgety. Rory noticed, as her discomfort level rose as well. He knew what kind of a spin Chris could put on these women's lives. The last time he'd been around, Jess' whole world had turned upside down.  
  
_He stood off in the lush green grassy area off the main walking path, in the shade of two large oaks. She looked beautiful, in a dress that looked like it was made to fit her form. In all reality, it probably had been, by her mother. Her dress flowed beautifully around her legs as she walked. She was with a man, who looked to be about her mom's age. The man looked very familiar, though he couldn't place him. They stopped along the path, and she looked at him shrewdly before breaking into a large smile. She threw her arms around the man, and immediately Jess felt a tug at his heart. He could only hope for the same kind of greeting from her.  
  
His eyes went directly to her wrist, now uncovered and fully healed. He'd never felt so helpless as he did the night of that accident. She pulled away from the man and he turned from her as he opened his cell phone. She stayed in place, doing a little twirl in place, swaying happily as she looked around.  
  
And then she saw him. Their eyes locked and she gave one more look around. This look was different, it was guiltier, and for him. She was going to come to him. He watched her approach, as if in slow motion. He could feel everything stop, as she stood before him, just inches away.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she couldn't contain her surprise.  
  
"Hello to you, too." She looked so rattled, so out of her own skin. Trying to lighten the mood, he joked, anything to make her feel comfortable.  
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
"You look nice." She really couldn't just relax. He had no idea what was going on, but now wasn't the time.  
  
"Thank you. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I moved back."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I moved back." He couldn't tell if she was in a good shock or a bad shock. He began to rethink his decision; she didn't seem as glad to have him back as he'd hoped. When she came to New York, he'd been sure she wanted him around, but now, that look on her face, her inability to form complete sentences. . .  
  
"But – what – why?"  
  
"Just wanted to." Keep it nice and vague, Mariano and maybe she won't--.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the feel of her warm, soft lips on his. She was more demanding and it was needier than he'd imagined their first kiss being. And he had imagined it many, many times. He'd been half a second away before, as close to losing his self-control more times than he could count, almost resulting in their first kiss occurring before this moment. He moved his arms out, encircling her waist, willing her to slow down and enjoy the best moment of his young life. She slowed down with him, letting him savor the sweet taste of her for the first time, drinking her in. _

_Until she pulled away.  
_  
He was brought back to the current time and place by Rory's voice. "So, can we all head back to the house?"  
  
"Sure, honey," Lorelai said, downing the last of her coffee before waving to Luke.  
  
"Good, let's go."  
  
Once back at the Gilmore-Danes house, Jess found his voice. Right after Rory elbowed him in the ribs, to be exact. He waited until Lorelai and Chris had settled themselves on the couch, and they were now watching the couple expectantly.  
  
"Can I talk to you two?" he hated showing anxiety. He felt seventeen again, but with fewer defenses than he'd had in place back then. He felt naked. His only defense was Rory.  
  
"I'll go make some calls," Rory said, exiting into the kitchen.  
  
And then there were three. . .  
  
Lorelai gave Chris a knowing look, and he put his arm around her instinctively. Jess bit back a comment, and moved to stand in front of them. He moved his hand to his front pocket, where he hoped to find cigarettes. No luck, she'd made him promise not to bring any. He made a mental note to run to Doose's if he escaped with all his necessary limbs.  
  
"I, uh, wanted to talk to you, about the wedding."  
  
Lorelai cocked an eyebrow and Chris tilted his head. They were serious, and neither was going to make this easy. He suddenly understood Rory's stubborn streaks and incredible determination. She learned from the best, evidently. He shifted his weight to his other leg and pulled his hands out of his jeans' pockets.  
  
"I, well, we would really love it if you two would give us your blessing," he got all the words out in one long breath, managing to retain eye contact with Lorelai, but Christopher still looked a little too 'I'm a father with a shotgun waiting at the door to see if you bring my little girl home on time' for his taste.  
  
"Our blessing?" Lorelai asked.  
  
"Yes. You know, for you to be happy for us, Chris to walk Rory down the aisle," he continued.  
  
"Really?" Chris and Lorelai both asked at the same time.  
  
"Well, if that's what she wants. I just want her to be really, really happy. Lorelai, I know you think I'm the guy that ran off and broke her heart. She wouldn't be marrying me if she thought I was capable of that now. I want to be there for her, as long as she can stand me."  
  
Lorelai couldn't help the smile that broke through on the last comment. "Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure she's always wanted to put up with you. God knows why, but," she rolled her eyes.  
  
"I really want to make this good. For everyone. I love her," he opened up his true intentions; he knew he had no choice. As much as he felt that what he and Rory had was theirs, he also knew he had to repair some bridges he'd burned long ago.  
  
"I hate saying this, but I know you do. I've always wanted her to be happy, Jess."  
  
He nodded. "So, you two are behind us?"  
  
Lorelai looked at Chris. "Give us a second, okay?"  
  
"Alright," he drawled, moving into the kitchen to find Rory. She was leaning against the counter, banging on the coffeemaker.  
  
"You know, it works better when you treat it nicely."  
  
"Violence is always the answer," she replied, continuing to pound on the appliance.  
  
_He moved past her, causing her to step away from the counter.  
  
"It's broken," she pouted.  
  
"It's not broken. Well, okay, it's broken, but I can fix it. Unless you'd like to throw it against the wall and render it completely useless. We don't need a coffeemaker, do we?"  
  
A shocked hand flew to her mouth, as her eyes widened to join it in response. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the cherished appliance. She may not be able to cook, but the girl could make a damn fine cup of coffee.  
  
"Toolbox," he requested.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's in the hall closet."  
  
"Tool-what?" she played dumb.  
  
"Big box, filled with useful implements?"  
  
"We have a box filled with tools?"  
  
"Oh, for God's sakes," he moved past her to retrieve the hefty box from the closet. She gave him her most angelic smile.  
  
"You need to join a gym, muscles."  
  
"Hey, I can take you."  
  
"Not true. I let you take me," he smirked at her as he adjusted some wires and turned the coffee maker on.  
  
"It works!" she squealed, throwing her arms around him. "You're my hero!"  
  
"I should hope so," he shook his head at her.  
  
"I'm starting construction on the statue after my first cup," she kissed his cheek.  
_  
"So, how's it going?" she asked as she finally poured her coffee into a mug.  
  
"Uh, not sure. They're talking right now."  
  
"I have the coffee ready for my talk with Mom. Can you keep Dad occupied?"  
  
He gave her a look, showing he'd rather walk back to New York barefoot. On a long road of nails. And broken glass. But she batted those eyelashes and bit her lip hopefully.  
  
"Jess, please? I can't send him to the diner, Luke gets all testosteroney and weird around Dad."  
  
"Did you actually say testosteroney?"  
  
"You know what I mean," she cocked a hip and placed a hand there for effect.  
  
"Sure, Chris and I will run out to get the new Oxford English Dictionary. Obviously you need to do some reading," he chided, and moved to miss a playful slap from his bride-to-be. 'Did I just have that thought?' he thought to himself, surprised, but pulled her in for a kiss after he caught her arm that was trying to wound him.  
  
Lorelai looked at Christopher, trying to read his reaction to Jess asking their blessing. Their blessing to marry their little girl. Their perfect girl.  
  
"So, do you still hate this kid?" Chris asked, his eyes dancing a little.  
  
"You are so enjoying this!" she admonished him.  
  
"She's old enough to make her own decisions."  
  
"She ran off to be with him. I haven't seen her in four years, and she comes back to get married?"  
  
"Lore, I know that it's been strained, with all of us over the years. But no matter how much time goes by or what happened, we're her parents, and she's our kid. And we love each other."  
  
Her eyes teared up a little and leaned against him. "God, how do you do that?"  
  
Chris smiled. "It's my superpower."  
  
"I want to hate him. I don't want to like this."  
  
"I know. But she's going to do it anyway."  
  
"It could be worse, it could've been ten years ago," Chris pointed out.  
  
"Fine. We're behind this."  
  
"Looks like it."  
  
"Go get him. And look scary."  
  
"I'm on it," Chris said, moving off the couch to find Jess. He found Jess and Rory in the kitchen, laughing and standing about as close as two people could stand without being indecent.  
  
"Jess, we've considered what you told us, and we want you both to know we support this."  
  
"Thanks, Dad," Rory moved to hug her dad. "I'm going to talk to Mom, alone," she said, grabbing two mugs of coffee.  
  
"So, girl time?" Chris looked at Jess, assuming he knew what was going on.  
  
"Yep. I think we're supposed to make ourselves scarce."  
  
"Are there bars in Stars Hollow?" Chris furrowed his brow.  
  
"Follow me," Jess said, moving to the door. "You don't own guns, do you?"  
  
Chris smiled, closing the door behind him.


	7. From Pain, Beauty Does Come

Rory sat down next to her mother, who'd been mollified by the hot coffee. Rory sipped her coffee, letting the warmth flow through her as she decided on the words that her mother deserved to hear. The problem was that there were just simply too many of them. Too much left unsaid between them while she was in New York. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to call her mom or come visit, but she was building her world with Jess so carefully. She was learning day by day his habits, what coming home to him every night meant, and was too afraid if she went home, somehow their home would alter. She knew he wouldn't come, and after that a fracture would be felt, however slight.  
  
On some level, she just assumed her mother would understand. What else entitled you to uproot your life and turn everything upside down if not the pursuit of true love? After all, it had been her mother that had taught her to go after her dreams.  
  
"So, you wanted to talk?" Lorelai cleared her throat, after drinking most of the first cup of coffee Rory had brought out.  
  
"Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you. About my life, now."  
  
Lorelai looked up, again, and her expression softened. She nodded and put her arm out over the back of the couch as if to settle in.  
  
"I don't really know where to start," she took a breath and looked at her mom.  
  
"Try the beginning, it usually works the best."  
  
"Right. After I graduated, I was at the party Grandma threw for me, and all my friends and family were there. I knew I was supposed to be so relieved and happy, but all I could feel was empty. I kept hearing Jess' voice in my head, asking me to come with him that night at Yale four years earlier."  
  
"So, you just left? How, how did you know where he was?"  
  
Rory looked at her Mom. She had worried that she'd ask this question. She can't lie to her mother of all people. Everyone knew when she was lying, it was no use.  
  
"I asked Luke."  
  
Lorelai's face said it all. Surprise, shock, and anger—yep, all the biggies were there. Rory felt the air stand still around them. Her mind went in a million different directions. She wondered what her mother's response verbally would be. She wondered where her Dad and Jess had wandered off to. She wondered how Luke was taking Chris being around at all. Her thoughts were broken when Lorelai spoke.  
  
"Luke, knew? All this time, he knew you were going off... to leave? He knew?"  
  
"Mom, I didn't tell him anything, I just, asked him where I might be able to find Jess."  
  
"But he knew," Lorelai reasoned.  
  
"He probably figured it out. Please, don't be mad at him. This was all my idea. It wasn't even an idea, I just had to, Mom. I loved him, I never stopped. I was dying without him."  
  
"You weren't dying," Lorelai retorted, as if Rory were being overly dramatic.  
  
"I was, Mom. I was so unhappy. It had nothing to do with my education, my major, my friends, or you—I just had to see if I had a chance with him. I didn't know if he had a girlfriend, wife; I'd never talked to Luke about him at all. Only when I asked for his address."  
  
"Maybe this was a bad idea," she said uncomfortably, shaking her head.  
  
"No, just, promise that you won't be mad at Luke. I swear, he didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't even know, I just, left," she looked warily at her mother, who shifted, but said nothing. "So, I got there, and we just immediately knew. We knew what to do to be with the other one. No one else existed. We never talked about Stars Hollow, or the past problems. We knew what not to do, we knew we just had to be honest with each other. He's so good to me, Mom. He loves me."  
  
"You make it sound like you don't have problems, Rory, you have to deal with the past. It won't just go away," she warned.  
  
"We have. We don't need words. We were both past the point of needing to rehash the past. We were so happy to be back together, in a new place, with new things—it made everything seem possible."  
  
_She lay in his arms, unable to sleep. The sheets were wrapped around her in a tangle, and his arms were warming her against the cool night air coming in through the ajar window. He can't sleep without noise, and the traffic of the city pacifies him. She prefers it to the music he used to compensate in the quiet of Stars Hollow.  
  
Stars Hollow. Her mind went to what her life might be like had she stayed. No late night Scrabble games on the floor as the Clash blared on in the background while she and Jess laughed and fought over the validity of words the other used. No coming home exhausted from work to smell homemade lasagna and fresh garlic bread finishing from the kitchen. No nights, lying in his arms as his even breath fell against her neck.  
  
She'd be on Ms. Patty's pity list for eligible suitors. She might not have had the courage to apply for the jobs she really wanted, opting instead for the safe allure of home. She'd still have that vacuous feeling, the one that she couldn't pinpoint but knew the cause of. It'd started the day she realized Jess wasn't just headed to a local destination on that bus so many years ago.  
  
But she wouldn't feel this guilty.  
_  
"Just, tell me one thing. Do you really want to marry him?"  
  
"More than anything in my life. Mom, he's—he's my world," tears glistened in her eyes, and her mom moved over to put her arm around her.  
  
"Shh, honey, it's okay," she whispered.  
  
"You still hate him, though," she sniffed, leaning her head on her mom's shoulder.  
  
"I don't. . . hate him. I wish things could have worked out for you differently, although I know it probably wouldn't have. I wish you had told me how you were feeling. I thought we told each other everything, you know?"  
  
"I know. I felt so pathetic, it's been over four years, and he dominated my thoughts. I kept replaying the last time I saw him over and over, wishing I'd left with him. Wondering if we would have made it. But at the time, I couldn't imagine leaving you, and everything behind—but I figured of all people, you'd understand."  
  
"I didn't, at first. I felt like you were choosing between him and me. I know that's crazy, I just missed you so much. I knew the way you talked that you wouldn't be around, and it just, it hurt."  
  
"I never meant to hurt you. What we have, you have to know, it was worth giving anything and everything up for. I think about you every day, and I'm hoping, now that we're getting married, now it's finally okay enough to come visit more. Or for you guys to come see us."  
  
Lorelai looked into her daughter's eyes. "You mean that?"  
  
"I do. I really do. I miss you."  
  
"I miss you too," she said, moving in to hug Rory again. They held onto each other, both relieved to be talking honestly and to just be together. By the time they pulled back, both were laughing and crying.  
  
"So, were do you think Dad took Jess?"  
  
"Ooh, uhh," Lorelai looked guilty.  
  
"What?" Rory eyed her suspiciously.  
  
"I might have told him to be a little mean to him. For kicks," she admitted.  
  
"Mom, I thought you didn't hate him."  
  
"I don't hate him. That doesn't mean I would deny your father his fun," she smiled.  
  
Meanwhile, Jess sat at an uncrowded bar cracking open peanuts from a wooden bowl on the counter. Chris sat next to him, sipping his beer, looking around.  
  
"This is just, wrong," he said.  
  
"Yeah. But it's a bar."  
  
"But, we're in Stars Hollow. The town doesn't even have a liquor store."  
  
"I know. I only found this place cause Luke comes here sometimes. When he's upset. Usually over something having to do with Lorelai."  
  
Chris nodded. "She can be challenging," he agreed.  
  
"So, that's where Rory gets it from, you're saying," Jess smirked.  
  
"You saying my angel isn't perfect?" Chris used the overprotective father tone.  
  
"I'm so not going there," Jess breathed, taking a drink of his beer.  
  
"Smart man. So, you two are really getting married tonight?"  
  
"We are."  
  
"Marriage isn't easy," Chris warned.  
  
Jess tapped his fingers to the beat that was playing on the jukebox. He hated the song, but he seemed unable not to move to the beat of the music. It kept his mind half out of the conversation, a technique he'd learned years ago.  
  
"I know that," he sighed.  
  
"It's lots of hard work, and if you have any doubts at all—any—you shouldn't do it. Not to her and not to yourself."  
  
"We know relationships are hard. If anyone knows that, we know that. We've seen our parents screw them up over and over again, but worst of all we've screwed ours up over and over again. But, we seem to have it right now," he smiled a little; in spite of himself and the company he was keeping. Treading lightly would be wise, but he could only speak his mind at this point. But he knew one thing—she could never do anything to make him leave. Never.  
  
_She stood there, seething at him, wanting to strangle him. The words that came out of his mouth sometimes just made her blood boil. Their arguments were similar to their love making—passionate and encompassing. Every part of her filled with frustration and the desire to show him his many faults. To gather them together like photographs, so she could prove to him that he was wrong. But he never backed down.  
  
"It's not a big deal," he said for the fifteenth time. She really thought her hands would develop minds of their own, to smack him, strangle him or throw anything within her reach towards him.  
  
"Jess! How can you say that? You were out of line! If you just apologized, this would all go away!" she yelled, trying to make her words penetrate his mind.  
  
"Rory, just drop it. It's my job, it's my li--," he stopped mid-sentence.  
  
His eyes were filled with regret the moment he realized the word almost escaped his lips. His hand went out to her form, which was backing up against the bedroom. She needed to move, she needed to be not in this room right now.  
  
"Rory, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say--,"he moved faster than her, pulling her so she was flush up against him, her crossed arms cutting into his chest.  
  
"Jess, let me go."  
  
"No, not until you listen to me."  
  
"I can hear you just fine. I heard everything just fine."  
  
"I didn't mean it!"  
  
"Then why would it even come into your head?"  
  
"God, Rory! Don't read anything into this," he pleaded with her.  
  
She looked into his eyes, knowing he hated himself for what he had thought. She knew this was just as hard for him as it was for her. The uncertainty, the frailty of their relationship. The not knowing if the other would come home that day. The wondering if the love was enough to get them through this period of hope and nerves.  
  
"How can I not?"  
  
Her blue eyes were glassy, as tears threatened. She knew he couldn't take the tears, but now instead of pleading with her to stop, he just held her. It's what she needed, to be free to feel, to be supported instead of chastised for her actions.  
  
So he held her. He let her react to his words, her fists hitting him as if she were tired or hadn't eaten for days. He'd said it, and he couldn't blame her.  
_  
"I just, I know what it's like to try to make something work that just won't," Chris sighed.  
  
"And I know what it's like to try to ignore something that's going to work, no matter how much you screw it up," Jess looked the man square in the eye.  
  
"You two are really in love, aren't you?"  
  
"We are."  
  
"Just promise me you'll never let her go," Chris looked deathly serious.  
  
"I promise," Jess nodded.  
  
Back at the house, Rory and Lorelai discussed more events of the last four years. Rory told her of his proposal, they cried some more, and then Lorelai looked at Rory in panic.  
  
"You don't have a wedding dress!"  
  
"Mom, it's fine. I'm just going to wear something simple."  
  
"I always thought I'd make your wedding dress," she sighed, feeling uneasy all over again. This wasn't supposed to be what happened. Rory deserved more than a justice of the peace marrying them in five minutes, in a dress from Old Navy and the groom in jeans. She was supposed to have months, if not a year, to prepare for this day.  
  
"Mom, come on. It's just a day. We just want something small. It's the marriage that's important to us," she urged.  
  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Mother's dreams die hard," she gave a half- hearted smile.  
  
"I called Grandma. She asked how you were."  
  
"We haven't exactly been close lately," Lorelai stood, picking up the coffee cups and heading into the kitchen. Rory sighed. Cleaning up meant one thing—avoidance of old issues. She stood up, stretching her legs after having sat for the last hour on the couch talking to her mother, and followed.  
  
"Mom? What happened?"  
  
"Huh. You're kidding, right?"  
  
"No, what happened?"  
  
"She blamed me, Rory! She blamed me for letting you run off like that! She railed on me for over an hour and I told her that obviously she wasn't ready for you to be an adult since she still treated me like a child. There were some colorful words exchanged, I may have told her to go to hell, and then she told me to leave. I haven't talked to her since," she scrubbed the clean coffee cup repeatedly.  
  
"Mom, I'm so sorry! I never thought that--,"  
  
"That's right, you didn't think! You didn't think about how your actions would effect anyone else, you just left!"  
  
"Mom, I'm sorry! How many times do I need to tell you that?"  
  
Lorelai looked at her, hurt filling her blue eyes, and shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered.  
  
Rory looked at her mother, whose wounds were obviously much deeper than she'd ever imagined, and wondered for the first time if coming here had been a giant mistake. She should have stayed in New York, married Jess and lived with the consequences of her choices. This was just too painful for everyone.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered one more time, before turning and exiting through the back door. 


	8. Seek Up

He saw her through the window. Her back was to him, and her feet were hanging off the ground. Her head was lowered, as if she were studying the brown liquid that most certainly filled the large blue latte cup in front of her. Her brown hair fell down around her cheeks, but she didn't seem to care enough to push it back behind her ears as she did when she was excited.  
  
So many times, he'd stood in this very spot, watching her through the window. Eating, drinking, talking animatedly with her mother. He'd been on the other side of the window, watching her as she approached the door, knowing he'd get to hear her voice soon. He'd watched her from almost every vantage point in this tiny town, to be honest.  
  
Never had he seen her look so tired. Her shoulders slumped, and the cup hadn't risen to her lips in the five minutes that he had been watching her.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
He looked up, to see his uncle with a dishrag thrown haphazardly over his right shoulder. His face was stern and he knew before he looked at him that Luke was pissed.  
  
"Christmas shopping. No time like the present," he wrapped his leather jacket around him tighter.  
  
"Where've you been? She's been in there, like that, for a half an hour."  
  
"Didn't go well with Lorelai?"  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Hey, I was out with Chris, so they could talk, and you wouldn't have to baby-sit him," Jess defended his own actions.  
  
"You went out with Chris?"  
  
"Yes," Jess sighed.  
  
"That's, odd," Luke shifted his weight to his right foot before looking into the window.  
  
"Yeah," Jess agreed.  
  
"Get in there. It's cold. And she probably, you know. Needs you."  
  
Jess nodded, moving past Luke and entering the diner. Rory didn't look up from her cup, even as he slid onto the stool next to her at the counter. He could smell her light perfume, and saw that she had changed out of her jeans and sweater and into a long light blue dress. It looked like it might be worn at a prom or by a bridesmaid at a tasteful wedding. He could feel the corners of his mouth curve up when he realized she was ready for their wedding.  
  
_He came around the corner to see there were still people in the diner. He was hoping that Luke would have closed by now. It was a Saturday, but this town always closed down by ten even on the weekends. It was beginning to get cold, and the November night air made him wish he had grabbed a hat. He wasn't up for hearing Luke drone on about how he'd missed half his shift earlier and therefore owed him to help close down the diner. He reached into his inside jacket pocket for his cigarettes and within seconds had one primed on his lips, lighter at the ready. That's when his eyes fell on her.  
  
Her hair was pulled up in a bun, and she had a jean jacket on. The jacket looked completely out of place, as there was what looked to be a wedding dress sticking out from under it. She was wearing make-up, not a lot, but more than she usually wore. She didn't need make-up at all. Her porcelain skin was nearly flawless and her eyes needed no enhancement. Luke came by her table, at which she sat alone. She looked like she'd run out on her wedding. He smiled at the thought of her leaving Dean at the alter. He inhaled as the cigarette lit up, filling his lungs with the warm smoke. The reaction was instant; he was at once warm and satisfied as the nicotine hit his bloodstream.  
  
She absently took a fry, biting into it with an amused look on her face. He fought the urge to go join her, to swipe a fry as he asked her what on earth she was doing in that outfit. She looked like a princess from one of the fairytales she loved when she was a little girl. The ones that she secretly kept in her closet, along with her copies of the Chronicles of Narnia series.  
  
She just looked breathtaking. His resolve was waning as his cigarette burned down to just a filter. He was ready to go in and hear her tale of far off lands and magical creatures, until he saw Lorelai approaching from the opposite side of the street. She paid no attention to him, obviously lost in her own thoughts. He turned to go, glancing one last time as Lorelai said something to Rory, which caused her to raise her pinky on the hand that held the cheeseburger to her lips, as if she were having High Tea with the Queen.  
  
The tale of the Princess and the Ball would have to wait.  
_  
"Hey," he said, taking a fry off the plate that Luke had just set down in front of Rory.  
  
"I didn't order these," she said to no one in particular.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Mom—I'm not sure she's coming."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Maybe we should drive back to New York," she said, looking up at him suddenly.  
  
"What happened?" he attempted to maintain his resolve, trying to figure out what had her so upset. Her face was emotionless, her hair still strewn across her face.  
  
"Nothing," she sighed. "Everything. I've just messed up too much here to expect her to be able to be okay with this," she gestured between the man she loved and herself with the hand that held a fry. She frowned, looking at the fry and put it back down on the plate.  
  
Jess nodded, knowing that Lorelai was liable to have more hurt inside her than one afternoon of talking could fix. He felt bad, knowing he was the cause of this canyon that had been created between them. He knew he had all the living time with Rory that Lorelai was once the recipient of; the times in the morning when she stumbled out from bed to the kitchen table, before she could even form coherent words. The look of pure bliss on her face when she took her first sip of coffee in the morning. The way she would get goofy after eating too much ice cream while watching the 'Rock 'Til you Drop' movie marathon that she'd created, including Rock Star, This Is Spinal Tap, and Almost Famous, running around the house playing air guitar and singing into her hair brush.  
  
"We can't get back to New York before the courthouse closes."  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
"In fact, we should probably get going to Hartford soon," he reminded her.  
  
She nodded. "I'm all ready," she said matter-of-factly as if he couldn't see her.  
  
"I just need to change. My bags are upstairs," he said. "You okay here?"  
  
He was speaking to Rory, but his eyes fell on Luke. Luke nodded at him, as if he could read his nephew's mind. Jess placed a kiss on Rory's cheek, leaving her to stare at the fries and coffee in front of her.  
  
She was aware of him watching her. She couldn't face him; she didn't feel like facing anyone. She felt like her final closure in this town was imminent—and it was nowhere near the feeling she'd hoped for.  
  
"We did everything you said, Luke, honest. It just, wasn't enough," she sighed.  
  
"I know," he said, leaning on the counter in front of her so no one else could hear them.  
  
"She's just—I hurt her too much, leaving and all."  
  
"She loves you. She'll come around."  
  
Rory smiled up at Luke. She put her hand on his arm. "Thanks, but I'm not so sure."  
  
Jess came down, in a nice suit with no tie. He nodded at Luke and walked over and stood behind Rory. He put his jacket over her shoulders before wrapping his arms around her waist.  
  
"You guys going?"  
  
Jess nodded, as Rory fell back against his chest. He tightened his grip as she inhaled his scent on the jacket. She felt safe, enveloped by him completely. He was holding her up, though no one who looked at them would be able to tell.  
  
"I'm closing now, so I'll be there as soon as I can. You have all that paperwork to do anyway."  
  
Rory let her arms slip into the jacket arms as she stood. "Thanks for the food, Luke."  
  
He smiled at her like a proud father. She'd seen that look before, at both of her graduations. Luke was always there for the big events of her life, and she was glad he'd be there at the wedding. Even if no one else came.  
  
"Get in the car, I'll be right out, okay?" Jess looked into her eyes as he ran a hand over her back soothingly. She nodded and headed out the door.  
  
"I know you're going to talk to her, and you probably don't want to hear this," Jess began. "But Chris seems to be behind us. Maybe you should talk to him, get him to help you convince Lorelai."  
  
Luke's jaw clenched in response, something Jess had expected. He knew Luke wouldn't hit him, though Jess had swung at Luke in the past. He waited for any other response; he'd given his advice. He found himself caring, wanting her to show, because it wasn't his wedding. It was theirs, and her happiness included her mother at her wedding. After a moment, Luke set his hands down on the counter and looked back at Jess. He nodded, and Jess headed for the exit.  
  
They stood in line, her leaning up against his rib cage, and he let out a long sigh. Evidently they'd chosen the most popular day of the year to get married. In reality, they knew that most of these people were just getting their marriage licenses so they could have a New Year's Eve or Christmas wedding or something cheesy like that. He wished they could provide chairs, as his legs were getting tired from the marathon style standing.  
  
She giggled suddenly, and turned her face into his shoulder. He looked down in amusement at her spontaneous giggle fit. He smiled into her hair and then looked up to notice all the other people in the long line turning to look at them. He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, placing his lips right to the soft skin of her lobe.  
  
"Care to share?"  
  
She pressed her face into his shoulder a bit more before coming up to look at him, then all the others that were smiling at them.  
  
"Dance marathon," she whispered.  
  
_She was exhausted, mentally and physically. She wasn't acknowledging the emotional strain she was under, as far as she was concerned her only problem right now was a serious lack of sleep. She just had to hang on to whatever form was in front of her. Currently, it was her boyfriend, taking the place of her mother, who'd worn shoes that were older than her grandmother and therefore broke under the strain. She'd slept through the obligatory 'I told you so,' and was now soundly resting on her too tall boyfriend's chest as she let him sway her back and forth.  
  
She was bitter all of a sudden for his energy to hold her up. He'd been able to go home and rest, eat real meals—how did she let herself be talked into this in the first place? She opened her eyes, and they landed on the boy that had been right in front of her all weekend, no matter where she went, what direction her mother danced her in. His face, looking at her, pretending to read whatever book he'd brought—probably picked out especially to piss her off. Probably Hemingway. Damn him.  
  
The worst part was she couldn't stop talking about him. She felt her boyfriend's grip tighten as she opened her mouth to complain. Again. About him. Again.  
  
His brown eyes caught hers for the hundredth time this evening, and he put his arm around the blonde sitting next to him who was chomping on too many pieces of bubble gum. 'How could he even kiss her? She's not his type; his type is so obviously—Damn. Stop it. Just stop looking at him!' she commanded herself. Suddenly her boyfriend isn't holding her up anymore. He's yelling at her, and her head hurts. She wants him to stop yelling, this isn't an appropriate place to do this. Not with him watching. Not when she can't stand up by herself. No one is there to catch her as he storms off. His words wash over her, causing some level of guilt because his words are true. She doesn't love him. She would rather be with Jess. If it weren't for that Barbie gone wrong on his arm.  
  
She just needed to sit down.  
_  
"What?"  
  
"Standing like this, it reminded me of the dance marathon."  
  
"And you're giggling why?"  
  
"Tired. So tired," she yawned.  
  
"Right," he said, shaking his head at her.  
  
"Jess?"  
  
Her voice sounded far away. He looked at her again, to see her giggles had subsided.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you think she's coming?"  
  
He exhaled slowly. "I hope so," his voice was genuine. He had no hope of fooling her with fake sentiment. She'd turn and storm out of this line they'd already spent an hour in. Right this second, with only five couples in front of them. She'd learned how to take no shit from anyone. She'd learned from him.  
  
Luke made it home, knowing he only had fifteen minutes to convince Lorelai to go to the courthouse. He saw Chris' car still in the driveway, almost thankful for the backup. HE entered the house to find Lorelai sitting on the couch, hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing sweats. And what looked to be Garfield slippers. 'When did she get Garfield slippers?' he thought to himself. Chris was sitting on the coffee table in front of her, looking exasperated. He was dressed in a suit, obviously ready to go to Hartford.  
  
Chris looked to Luke, as if in victory. "Luke's going, aren't you?"  
  
"To the wedding?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Uh, yeah. I am. Aren't we all?" he asked, as if he didn't know that Lorelai was protesting. She turned her head to look at him in disgust.  
  
"Have fun. I have some stuff to take care of," she said nonchalantly.  
  
"Lorelai," Luke sighed. "What stuff can't wait?"  
  
"It's business. Inn stuff."  
  
"Lore," he said, sitting on the arm of the couch. He looked over at Chris, who shrugged, then back to her. He put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"This is your daughter getting married. She's only going to do it once. Maybe you feel like you don't want to go, but what about seven years from now, when you're wondering what your grandchildren look like?"  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes, and she leaned her head back against the couch. Could she live with herself if she didn't go to this wedding? Rory seemed to be just fine living without her so far. She wasn't concerned with this consequence four years ago when she just left without so much as a goodbye.  
  
"Lore, come on. It's Rory," Chris said softly.  
  
"I just, need a second," she said, standing and disappearing up the stairs. Chris hung his head as Luke stood up.  
  
"I've been trying. I got back and she was pretty upset. I found her on the couch, eating ice cream out of one of those tubs, the size you could give a baby a bath in, and crying."  
  
"We should get going. I just need to change out of these clothes," Luke sighed, moving up the stairs after Lorelai.  
  
Luke found Lorelai in front of her closet, throwing clothes out over both shoulders. He stood in the doorway, watching her work through this in her mind. She finally stepped back and fell down on the floor, sitting amongst a pile of all her clothes.  
  
"I don't have anything to wear," she claimed, shaking her head. She couldn't cry again, she just couldn't.  
  
"Wear what you're wearing," Luke offered.  
  
"I have the word Juicy on my ass. I can't go to anyone's wedding. Not even Pam Anderson's, looking like this."  
  
"Lore, she doesn't care what you're wearing. She just wants you there."  
  
She looked up into his eyes, at his obvious concern for her. He loved her more than she would probably ever know, and she knew he just wanted her to be happy. Just like he loved her daughter and wanted her to be happy as well. Unfortunately he also loved Jess, and protected him as if he were his own son. He knew Rory and Jess belonged together. Something they had always disagreed to disagree on.  
  
"I'm just not so sure," she said, looking back into her empty closet. 


	9. At the Stars

Jess fingered the paperwork in his hands. The paperwork that made it official. All they had to do was talk to the judge and sign it and they were married. He looked at Rory, whose eyes were glued to the entrance, and put his arm around her. He knew she didn't want to bolt; rather she was anxiously waiting for someone to show up to support them. At long last, she turned back to face the front, and shrugged his jacket off of her shoulders.  
  
"You warm?"  
  
"Yeah," she sighed.  
  
"I didn't expect to have to wait this long," he mentioned as if they'd given this months of preparation and careful planning.  
  
"Well, it's probably good, I mean, Luke isn't even here yet."  
  
"He's probably just waiting for your mom. She has to be going through her entire wardrobe right about now," he reasoned.  
  
She smiled. He'd succeeded in both entertaining her and making her sure that her mother was coming. She leaned into his shoulder, in return; now feeling a little more relaxed. They hadn't be waiting all that long, just about fifteen minutes since they'd gotten through the enormous line, and both knew their names would be called at any moment.  
  
"Did I miss it?" came a familiar voice, bursting through the doors behind them.  
  
"Shh," came the woman's voice that was sitting by the doors to the office, evidently to keep people from going straight into the office. If that wasn't her job function, it baffled Jess what else she did. He couldn't imagine there were a lot of people who stormed a judge's office to get married. But he couldn't help but smile as Rory jumped up to greet her best friend since childhood. Rory and Lane hugged and laughed, as Rory pulled Lane over to sit down next to them in the chairs.  
  
"No, we should be next. I can't believe you made it!"  
  
"Well, I barely hear from you in years, then you call to say you're getting married! Of course I'm coming! My flight got delayed, though, I was so afraid I wouldn't make it back in time."  
  
"How's California? And Dave?"  
  
"Good, good. How are you?"  
  
"Well, I'm getting married," Rory began, causing Lane to smile at her friend, "and we live in New York, in the Village. I work at the Times, and I love it."  
  
"Where's Lorelai?"  
  
Rory looked down, looking sad. She absently grabbed Jess' hand, and sighed before answering her friend. Jess stroked her hand, as if giving her courage. Lane noticed the words unspoken between them, and hid a smile.  
  
"We had a fight, and I'm not sure if—," she began to explain to Lane about the years of silence between her and her mother, but was interrupted by her mother's voice.  
  
"They have to be here somewhere, did you see the size of that line? No way have they already--," she stopped short as they entered the room, the woman on the other side with her finger to her lips and an exasperated look on her face. She saw Rory, Jess and Lane seated and now staring at her.  
  
"Well, you found them," Chris uttered, moving to hug his daughter.  
  
"You came," she said softly.  
  
"Of course we came. She wouldn't have missed this, kid," he reassured her.  
  
"Oh, Dad, this is my best friend, Lane Kim."  
  
"Nice to meet you," Chris shook Lane's hand.  
  
"Oh, you too! Lorelai, so great to see you!"  
  
"Hey, Lane. How's California?"  
  
"Sunny. Warm, wonderful—It's great."  
  
Lorelai gave the woman a hug, suddenly thinking back to the days when Lane and Rory used to put on her 'Like a Virgin' album and prance around wearing pillowcases on their heads, pretending to get married, then collapsing onto the ground in giggles, deciding that they'd rather live together than with boys. Then the arguing about what their house would be made out of started. Perhaps she held onto Lane for too long. At any rate, Luke gave a cough, and she pulled back, and looked at Rory.  
  
"Hey," she started.  
  
"I'm glad you're here."  
  
"Me too," she said, pulling Rory to her quickly and hugging her tighter than she ever had. Rory didn't complain, she just hugged her back even tighter.  
  
"I want to talk to you," Luke said, looking at Jess.  
  
"Now? I'm sort of in the middle of something," he pointed out, holding his hands out.  
  
"Now," Luke insisted, pointing to the opposite corner of the room. Jess shot a look at Rory, who smiled and shrugged, as she continued talking to her mother.  
  
_"Okay, that's it, sit down," Luke barked, pointing his finger towards the couch in the middle of the crowded apartment.  
  
"Why?" Jess' eyebrows furrowed, knowing what his uncle was about to say, and not wanting to hear it even more. He knew that Luke was concerned about him and Rory. Well, about Rory being with him. The whole town was concerned.  
  
"It's time to lay down a few ground rules, sit. All right, first off, when she is up here, that door stays open," Luke began, wielding his arm around so now he was pointing at the door to the apartment, as Jess rolled his eyes at the words.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You are not allowed on either end of this apartment. You are, instead, to remain here in the middle portion of the room. You may sit on the couch or on the chair, as long as you two are sitting on separate seats, i.e. when you're on the couch, then she's on the chair. When she's on the couch, then you're on the chair." He was starting to look like a flight attendant, arms flailing about, pointing at objects in synchronization.  
  
"I get it, thank you," Jess scoffed, feeling like a small child being scolded. He figured Luke would try the safe sex speech, but the no touching speech was something completely different. This was a no-trust relationship.  
  
"On weekdays, you will have her home by nine. On weekends, you will have her home by eleven. Any evidence of alcohol, cigarette smoke, or anything else that Nancy Reagan would find unacceptable and you will not be allowed near her without an adult present. Are these rules clear?"  
  
"Yes." He clenched his jaw in reaction to his uncle's new rules.  
  
"Good," Luke replied, seemingly pleased with himself.  
  
"May I speak?"  
  
"If you must," Luke sighed, knowing Jess' compliance was too good to be true. He liked the idea of Jess and Rory together, but he knew he had to get Lorelai behind this if it was going to work out. And the only way to do that was to keep them clothed and ten feet apart at all times. Already, just their looks at each other were enough to make most people need to go take about ten cold showers.  
  
"Do you want me to have you committed or would you prefer to check yourself in?" Teenagers not being able to touch? Where had he moved to, Amish country? Luke had to be kidding. He'd never said a damn word when Shane had been around. And he liked Rory, he knew he did.  
  
"I'm not joking here, mister." 'Did I just say 'mister'? God, Lorelai is rubbing off on me,' Luke thought to himself as he made a face.  
  
"You know you're my guardian, not hers, right?" Supervision had never been something imposed on Jess. Not, evidently, until now. He knew this town watched Rory, lest someone do anything to shatter her perfect world. But they hadn't been able to keep him away from her, and he'd be damned if he'd let anyone stop them now.  
  
"You don't need a guardian," there was that finger pointing again. He was seriously wondering if he was channeling both his father and Lorelai. It was really starting to creep him out.  
  
"She tried to kiss me." 'If all else fails, mess with his mind. Always works.'  
  
"Jess," Luke warned, not liking where this was going.  
  
"She did that thing where you stretch and then you put your arm around the other person's shoulder and then you sneeze and then your hand falls and you try to grab –," Jess continued, gesturing for effect, enjoying the look on Luke's face.  
  
"Jess, stop it," Luke pleaded. 'Rory's six, Rory's six,' he repeated in his head, trying to block the images Jess was putting in there.  
  
"What do you think is gonna happen?" he asked, daring Luke to be blunt.  
  
"You know what I think is gonna happen," Luke held in a laugh. Jess wasn't stupid; he was trying to bait him.  
  
"No, I don't. Tell me. Tell me what I'm gonna do to her," Jess demanded.  
  
Luke smiled before answering, pleased he had thought of a retort to skew this in his favor again, "You're not gonna do anything to her because when you're at her place, there's Lorelai, and when you're here, there's me, and when you're out there, there's Taylor."  
  
"Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know?"  
  
"Well, as soon as I catch you in a pair of tights, I'll get worried. Until then, do your homework." He was on a roll. He gave Jess a smirk, grabbed an apple off the kitchen table and went downstairs before Jess could say anything else.  
_  
"Jess?" Luke waved his hand in front of his nephew's face. He never knew Jess to be spacey, but it was his wedding day after all.  
  
"Sorry, I'm having a bit of a flash-back," Jess blinked.  
  
"I just said, that getting married is a big deal," Luke sighed, as he repeated his words.  
  
"I know that."  
  
"And I just wanted to make sure that you two had thought this through," Luke looked at Jess, trying to make sure this was what he wanted. True, they'd been together four years, but now they were bringing in family to the picture. By getting married, they were joining the two families even more, committing to being a part of them.  
  
"We have. Luke, I love her. I am not going to leave her again," Jess assured him. He knew that Luke was always as worried about Rory as him.  
  
"That's not what I meant. I just meant, you're okay? You're you know, ready for this?"  
  
Jess' facial expressions softened and nodded. Luke really was the closest thing to a father he'd ever had, and after all they'd been through, he was still there, looking out for him. Not just Rory, but him.  
  
"More than ready," he said, looking as Rory smiled at her parents. Chris was talking and waving his hands about, Lorelai playfully smacked him, and Rory grabbed Lane's arm as they giggled at them. This was what their wedding should be. Friends and family, gathered around them.  
  
Luke pulled the younger man to him, hugging him against his will. Much to his surprise, he felt Jess' arm pat his back, returning the gesture.  
  
"She looks beautiful," he said, also now watching Rory with everyone else. Chris noticed the two men had stopped talking and excused himself from the girls. Luke coughed uncomfortably as Chris approached them, and Jess lowered his head, glancing at his uncle.  
  
"Jess," Chris nodded.  
  
"Chris," Jess said with the same mix of apathy and uncertainty.  
  
"Luke," Chris started, "could I have a moment alone with Jess?" His left eyebrow was cocked and he gave a small smile. Luke looked from Chris to Jess, and mumbled a 'whatever', as he patted Jess on the back with one hand before moving back over to put his arm protectively around Lorelai's waist.  
  
"So, you want something?" Jess asked knowingly, and probably a bit too sarcastically.  
  
"Look, I really hated you at first. Granted, I know that you were seventeen and stupid, and I've been there, so I get that. And now, I see that obviously you weren't some phase my daughter was going through," he continued.  
  
"Well, I'd always hoped not," Jess smirked.  
  
"Not helping," Chris informed him. "Look, I see the way you look at her. And I gave my blessing, so just; don't ever do anything to make me regret it. 'Cause if you think Lorelai could do some damage, well, just remember when she's done, I get you."  
  
Jess nodded. "Yeah, got it," he nodded. He eyed the receptionist, as she filed her nails, oblivious to the threatening going on in the room. Surely the judge must be almost done in there. What was the couple doing in there, writing their own vows?  
  
"So, hon, can I talk to you for a sec?" Lorelai grabbed Rory's hand, pulling her over by the receptionist. Luke sighed, and began to talk to Lane about her life, hoping Lorelai could talk to Rory without freaking out again. She was here and he just wanted everyone to get through the evening and be happy for Rory and Jess.  
  
"Sure, go ahead," Rory smiled at her mother.  
  
"I just, I wanted to talk to you first," she started, thinking for a moment of what she wanted to say.  
  
_Lorelai heard her daughter come back into the house, thrilled because she felt like she hadn't eaten in days. Rory came into the living room, dropping a couple of overstuffed bags on the coffee table, and proceeded to watch her mother dig in ravenously.  
  
"Oh, thank God. Ha! One of everything at Al's. Bless you with gluttony. Aren't you hungry?" she looked at her daughter in amusement, she'd never seen her not hungry.  
  
"Yeah," Rory said, but made no move to join her mother. She bit her lip, looking at her strangely.  
  
"Well, come on, dig in. What's wrong?" She took a good look at her daughter's face. She was flushed, happy and incredibly freaked out. Her heart stopped, she was almost positive her heart stopped. Jess was involved, she knew it.  
  
"Nothing. Um, listen."  
  
"I'm listening." 'Oh God, keep breathing.'  
  
"When I said before that I was too busy to think about it, I realized now that I'm not too busy to think about it," she winced, noting her inability to actually use the word. Just because sex was the only thing on her mind, she reminded herself that her mother wasn't dwelling on it.  
  
"Think about it?" 'Please, God, no!'  
  
"About **it**."  
  
"Oh, **it**." 'Damn.'  
  
"Yeah, it," she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, that had fallen in her face as she lowered her head, unwilling to look her mother in the eye as she understood her oh-so-sly use of the word it.  
  
"Ha, it." She racked her brain to make this light and bearable somehow, but all she could see was her daughter telling her she was thinking about sex. She couldn't even ask if she'd done it yet, she just couldn't. She couldn't get the image of Jess hovering over her, eating her face the other week in Luke's apartment.  
  
"Nothing's happened yet, but. . .it might. Maybe." 'Keep it vague, she looks like she might be having a stroke,' she thought as she tried to gauge her mother's reaction. The house seemed very still, as if everything in the room was listening intently to their conversation.  
  
"Maybe?" Hope was momentarily restored to her brain.  
  
"Maybe. . .with Jess." Hope destroyed.  
  
"Hm, with Jess."  
  
"You still want me to tell you everything, right?" She thought that by talking to her mom, she was doing the right thing, the mature, keeping their bond tight thing, but she really had never seen her mother speechless like this.  
  
"Yeah. Uh, no. Well –," she stammered, trying to quickly regain her wits.  
  
"Which is it?"  
  
"We're doing this now."  
  
"Yes. Which is it?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You'll let me know?"  
  
"Yeah."  
_  
"Mom?"  
  
"Sorry. I was just, thinking. About you, and Jess, and how long you've been in love with him," she smiled, smoothing her daughter's hair.  
  
"Yeah, it's been a long time."  
  
"I just, really want you to be happy. And I'm glad you told me about this, before it happened. It would have killed me if you'd just gone off and . . . ," she teared up a little, looking at the joy in her daughter's eyes.  
  
"I would have told you first, I know everything got sort of messed up," Rory started.  
  
"No, I mean, ever since you first told me you were thinking of having sex with him, all those years ago, I knew he was different to you. Even though I didn't like him back then, and even though I don't like that he's got you in New York now," she paused.  
  
"Mom, he didn't kidnap me. It's where I want to be. With him, married to him. But, I'll always be your daughter."  
  
"I know. But from now on, I'm supporting this. Just like I promised I would, because I love you. No matter what has happened."  
  
"Thanks, Mom," she said, moving to hug her mother.  
  
"Surely we've missed it," came a loud voice from the hall.  
  
"Well, if you hadn't changed your tie four times," came the hurried voice from the same direction.  
  
"Emily, really," came Richard's voice as he entered the waiting area. "Well, hello, everyone. See, Emily, I told you it was fine."  
  
"You did not!" she accused, and then nodded to everyone. "Did we miss it?"  
  
"Grandma! Grandpa! You came! No, you didn't miss it," Rory said, hurrying out of her mother's arms to greet her grandparents.  
  
"Of course we came, we wouldn't miss it," Richard assured her as he hugged her and handed her a thick white envelope. Everyone else exchanged hellos, except Lorelai and Emily who were keeping their distance from each other. Richard chatted to Luke, and Rory reintroduced Lane to her grandmother. She was so happy; everyone that she loved was in this room. Suddenly the guilt washed away from her, and she squeezed Jess' hand. She felt his thumb brush over the back of her hand, tracing the small, fragile bones. Just as she was enjoying everyone being in the room, she heard an unfamiliar voice ring out over everyone else's, like a schoolteacher quieting a class of second- graders at the end of recess.  
  
"Gilmore-Mariano," came the voice.  
  
"That's us," Rory spoke up, pulling Jess up to the door through the crowd that was forming.  
  
"What was the hold up?" Jess asked, leaning towards the sentry of the door.  
  
"Bride had cold feet. It was touch and go there for a minute," she said in a bored monotone, as if she saw it all the time. Jess looked to Rory and she gave him a smile. It was a simple gesture, but it made him able to take a deep breath again.  
  
"You ready?" came the monotone voice again.  
  
"We're ready," Jess nodded, moving into the judge's chambers.  
  
AN: Okay, I would have updated sooner, but life happened. Don't you hate it when that happens? So, I hope it was worth the wait, I made it a little longer as a small reward. 


	10. When The World Ends

He kissed her lips softly, and as he pulled back for a moment it seemed as if they had adhered in mere seconds as his lips seemed to pull off of hers like a piece of Velcro that someone was trying to be pull apart slowly. She moved back towards him, putting her hands on his face and holding him gently in place; not wanting the moment to end. A single tear slipped down her cheek, in honor of the auspicious occasion; a true tear of joy.  
  
She'd always thought that line was cheesy, 'You may now kiss the bride.' She hated to watch people kiss, it was really only tolerable for her once, and that was at her mother's wedding.  
  
_There were flowers woven all into her hair, put there by Ms. Patty and Rory. Her long flowing white dress was blowing in the light breeze on the warm autumn afternoon. Leaves of gold and orange rustled amongst the legs of the group gathered to watch the joyous event. Lorelai had never looked more beautiful, more in love than she did at this very instant, and Rory knew that Luke was the reason for her glow. She held her mother's bouquet of flowers along with her own small bunch, watching as Luke kissed her mother at the minister's blessing. She watched in awe as the union became truly sealed with their actions. She felt a twinge of jealously, knowing she'd never been able to hang on to that type of love.  
  
She broke her gaze at her mother, moving her eyes quickly over the crowd just in case. She wondered if he might show up, not to be anything as obvious as a best man, but perhaps sneaking into the last row to support his uncle. But she'd had no such luck. He wasn't here, and she couldn't even look get a look at his hair that he'd neglected a little too long, and was now reaching his eyes in length. She wouldn't get to ignore him until the feelings bubbled up in her to the degree that it became necessary to grab him and pull him into the Inn, yelling at him for leaving all the times he had left her and packing a hasty bag to join him where ever it was he would have to get back to.  
  
He wasn't giving her that chance. He stayed away, making it possible for her to smile at her mother, hand off the bouquet and follow their lead in the recessional down the aisle.  
_  
Today she understood. He was kissing his bride, claiming his girl as it were, and promising that come hell or high water, he wouldn't leave her. He deserved her now, though she had never doubted that at all.  
  
When he pulled back from her at long last, he wiped the tear from her cheek and rejoined her hands in his as they turned to face the small crowd that had gathered to bear witness to their wedding. He looked immediately back at her, this radiant woman. She'd never looked happier—she had a glow that seemed to start from somewhere deep inside of her. In that dress, she looked like a vision from the past, though she was very much a symbol of times to come. Immediately he remembered of the day he'd seen her look the same, but with a much sadder look to her eyes. As if they were on some quest that they rest of her wasn't making.  
  
_He listened to the ceremony from beside the stables, feeding the horses sugar cubes first so they wouldn't give away his hiding place by their whinnying. He was truly happy for his uncle; at least one of them had finally pulled it together enough to go after what they wanted.  
  
Not that he hadn't tried. He'd just done too much in the past to expect her to come away with him three years before. She would be a senior this year in college, preparing to go out into the real world and prosper. For the first time and without him. He'd been in the real world, for 19 of his 21 years. The two years he spent in Stars Hollow couldn't be counted as real world living; it was too sheltered, too full of hope. New York was raw, real and where he was faced daily with what his life was meant to be. A series of people, floating in and out of his life, working menial jobs and not giving a shit about anything or anyone.  
  
Except the people that remained here, in this storybook land. His uncle that had done too much for him, he would always be there to support him. He'd called Luke, told him he would be there even if Luke didn't see him. A promise is a promise, and Luke hadn't fought him on it because of her. Neither of them wanted to upset these girls for whom the whole world turned.  
  
So he leaned against the side of the stable, listening to ohh's and ahh's from the crowd after the minister told Luke to kiss Lorelai. He could imagine the look of pride and joy on Rory's face, and he couldn't help himself from sneaking a look, since he knew she would be focused on the happy couple.  
  
What he hadn't gathered on was her look of desperation. No one else seemed to catch it; no one else was focused on her. Everyone was watching the bride be kissed. He saw it though. He saw her scan every face in the crowd twice, in just a matter of moments as if she knew exactly what she was seeking but couldn't find it. He let himself believe she was looking for him for about a half a heartbeat, but pushed the thought away as he slipped back into his hiding place, lest she look far enough back to see his form in the shadows. He struggled against leaving the safety of his spot, to go to her as she reached the end of the aisle created by rows and rows of chairs for the well-wishers. He wanted to show himself to her, offering himself up for her to dismiss one last time on the off-chance that look in her eyes, the wild need in them, was for him. He took a deep breath and watched as she disappeared back into the Inn. He closed his eyes just for a moment before turning and walking down the path that led to his car.  
_  
Today there was no sadness in those blue eyes. He wondered exactly what shade her eyes would be called, if that color had even been named. He once told her they should be named for her, as it was the only place he'd ever seen such brilliant shades of blue in his life. Today, as she looked into his eyes, they shone with unusual clarity. He realized then and there that they'd forgotten to bring a camera, to commemorate the event. He knew he'd always be able to see the look on her face in his memory, but he wanted to be able to capture it in more tangible means. So he couldn't forget a single aspect of her. He was just about to ask Luke to find one when he heard the sound of snapping going off in front of them. Lorelai was frantically snapping photos with a digital camera and it appeared that his mother was standing next to her, with a disposable camera, doing the same.  
  
"Your mom came," Rory breathed, just loud enough for him to hear, just as taken aback with the sudden paparazzi action.  
  
"Yeah," he said, unsure as to what it meant, but sounding pleased at the same time.  
  
The group was herded out into the hallway on the other side of the judge's chambers, so he could get ready for the next couple. Rory and Jess were enveloped by their family, Jess' mom hugging both of them at the same time. Luke tried to pry her away from them a little, hugging her himself.  
  
"You came," Jess blinked.  
  
"Of course I came! I got your message a little late, and I had to stop by and get a camera. Jimmy called me just as I was leaving and told me to send pictures," she said, running her hand over his shoulder and down his arm. "You look very handsome," she added.  
  
"Thanks," he muttered, surprised that she managed to show up, and wondering how she got past the Nazi nail-filing lady at the doors to the office. "Jimmy called you?"  
  
"Well, we are still your parents. He just wanted to make sure one of us could be there. Said he was proud of you."  
  
Jess blushed a little, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Rory, even as she was hugging her grandparents goodbye. There were no plans made for after the wedding, and it was getting late. Chris had to get back to real life in Boston to sort out his life, Lane had to catch a plane back to California, and Liz had to get back down to New York for the late shift at work. Soon, Jess and Rory were left standing in the giant oak and marble hallway with Luke and Lorelai. There was a feeling of familiarity and slight awkwardness that moved through the air. Luke cleared his throat as he slipped his hand over Lorelai's.  
  
"Anyone for pie?"  
  
Rory smiled, slipping her hand into Jess. "Sounds good," she agreed, as they all moved towards the exit slowly.  
  
They sat in the semi-lit diner, around one table, with an apple pie as a centerpiece. The aroma of cinnamon and the sweet fruit filled the air as they lifted glasses of champagne that Luke had pulled out from the back of the storeroom for the occasion.  
  
"I'd like to say something," he announced to the small gathering. Jess raised an eyebrow, and Rory smiled warmly at him.  
  
"I couldn't be prouder of either of you. I know this is a strange little family we've created here, but I want you both to know that it's what we are, a family. You're always welcome here."  
  
"Luke," Jess stood up, setting him glass down. "Thank you. Lorelai, too. Thank you for not coming to get Rory the second she left. I know you had to have known that she was coming to me," he looked down at his shoes for a moment, "and I didn't deserve to have her. But if she hadn't come, we wouldn't be here, right now."  
  
Lorelai couldn't hold tears in any longer. She stood, and grabbed Jess suddenly, a move that surprised everyone, including herself. She hugged him tightly, as strange as it felt to be so close to this man she'd never been closer than three feet to, and whispered five words in his ear.  
  
"Take care of my baby," she pleaded, knowing for the first time in her heart that he would. She didn't have to worry about Rory anymore, and perhaps that's what she had been afraid of all this time.  
  
By the time Jess and Rory were packed back up into the Jaguar, ready to head back home, night had long fallen on Stars Hollow. It started out clear and cold, but had warmed up slightly as clouds rolled overhead. Lorelai stood at Rory's side of the car, smiling, trying to capture this moment in her mind forever. Rory looking happier than words could describe, a newly married woman, about to head off on her honeymoon. She looked up as she saw Rory's gaze shift upward, and both shared a smile.  
  
"Snow," Lorelai breathed joyously.  
  
"The best things happen when it snows," she agreed with her mother's tone. She knew this conversation backwards and forwards.  
  
"Promise to go walking in it when you get home," Lorelai asked.  
  
"Promise."  
  
"In about two hours?"  
  
Rory nodded, blowing her mother a kiss as she rolled up the window. She looked over at Jess, who'd just gotten into the car after saying goodbye to his uncle, and sighed. He cocked his head at her and her hand went between his shoulder and his cheek, grazing the stubble that was beginning to form on his soft skin.  
  
"Home?"  
  
"Home," she agreed, settling in to watch the snow fall on the landscape as they drove home together.  
  
AN: A happy little ending there for you all. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you really embraced this fic, and for that, I'm grateful. It spurred me on, and kept me more than motivated. This is by far and away my favorite to write, and made me feel I could really do well Lit justice. 


End file.
